Rachel (arsinoea) wrote in _survivors_,

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not rape related, per se, but im still putting this under a cut. I really need someone's help.

I am so incredibly upset with myself at the moment.

Heres the backround: I used to have a problem with weed and alcohol. And when I met my boyfriend, I basicly cooled it down a lot. But ocasionally, I'd break a promise and smoke weed again, and Id tell him this. This has severly broken his trust with me, although it was awhile ago. Well, I did it again last night, and a month ago. I just didnt think. I not only broke a promise to myself, but to him. I dont want to live like this any more, this impulsiveness that I get to be dishonest. I haven't told him yet, but I might, which might jeapordize my living situation as well as my relationship. I've tried to call the Healing Center, which is a rape crisis and advocate place that I used to go to, and there would be people available to talk to there. But the fax machine muct be running. I dont even have bus money to get there though. I honestly feel like killing myself over this. I realise thats not a good idea, but I am going crazy over how to deal with this.

If anyone has been in a simaler situation, maybe with bad habits that you did impulsively, and just could not shake, please give me some advice. I really need to talk to someone who understands, which is why I came here today.
Tags: seeking support, substance/drug abuse

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