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Hey guys, it's been awhile since I've had something to say. cut for… 
25th-Sep-2006 04:27 pm
Hey guys, it's been awhile since I've had something to say.

cut for drug references...

Well, as some people might know, I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and we are trying our hands at domestic life (which is going perfectly, except for doing the dishes, i hate that part :\). The issue at had is his semi- controlling past. Recently, after a long talk, he has lightened up a bit and given me my right of discretion in certain situations. But basicly, he has not allowed me to drink or hang out with friends. drinking is ironicly, not a huge deal for me, although alcohol was indeed the reason why I was sexually abused/raped 5 or 6 times. I find that I am very responsible, and only drink when I am comfortable with the people around me, and then, i drink barely enough to get 'buzzed'. My boyfriend's insecurity in reguards to me has also carried over to my use of marijuana. Its true that once I was a very irresponsible user, and used quite heavily. My attitude to both drinking and pot have matured impressively over time, and I see both substances as desirable in rare instances of social interaction. But my boyfriend has been set in his ruling that I drop both substances altogether, and I have my reasons and beliefs that it is not necessary to do so. I believe that I am able to show greater responsabilty with my useage with both substances.

Well, what do you say to all of this? My family, and I too, have had some history of addiction, ecspecially me with my preference to marijuana. What can I do to gain his trust? I have messed up before, by quitting pot and then doing it again behind his back, which he has taken as a great breach in trust and a downright betrayal. I just want his approval in the choices I make in life, weather they be good or bad.

Give me some thoughts, I'm quite desperate for an outside opinion.
(Deleted comment)
25th-Sep-2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
I agree with you. I totally understand where he's coming from too, and I also agree with him, but to a point. I feel that I have grown and that I can use my own discretion in these situations. We'll see, I'll have to propse my idea to him. Thank you much, I really appreciate it.
25th-Sep-2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
I'm wondering if his objection is entirely to do with your safety, or is there something about drug/alcohol use in general that he opposes as well?

I ask because my own personal standards are that I wouldn't choose to be with someone who uses any kind of drug in anything more than a casual relationship, and would be offended/upset if someone I was with had dropped drugs for me and then wanted to go back....

Also, in terms of him "allowing" you to drink or hang out with friends - I wonder what you mean by this, and what part of you is asking his permission before making your own choices?

Just something to think about, hope that helps...
25th-Sep-2006 11:58 pm (UTC)
I dated someone who did this to me as well. I was an alcoholic for a while, so when we started dating all alcohol (even cooking sherry, etc.) was removed from the house and no one was allowed to drink in my presence.

What we ended up doing when I became legal age to drink (since I started dating him when I was 19), was that I sat down with him and talked about it. I let him know that I knew that I had been careless with the various substances, and that I wanted to work *with* him to be responsible in my usage. That helped relieve his fears of my addictions (and my family's addiction history), while it let me learn how to be more responsible while also earning his trust back (I had snuck alcohol, too, when he was keeping me from it).

Usually working with someone else can really help to make it easier on the both of you.
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