earthygirrl (earthygirrl) wrote in _survivors_,

Here's an interesting one.....

Talked with the ex last night. I haven't answered her calls in a couple of weeks because I've been so busy. She finally said what I knew all along. She is still in love with me. She believes she will always be in love with me. She knows that I'm not in love with her and never will be. Yet...she still wants to be my friend. Really.

Now. I don't feel this is fare in the sense that, how could it be a good thing for her to be around me. How much heartache will she feel? I don't feel it's right.

She wants to hang out with me but she doesn't want to hang out with me and my girlfriend. Understandable. However, I'm with my girlfriend mostly all weekends. Plus, if you can't hang out with me and my girl then you shouldn't hang out with just me. That means that you care about me in a more than friends way. That seeing me to you means something else still. She never said she disliked my gf. She's only met her once. So it has nothing to do with my gf but more to do with the visual that I am in a relationship with another woman.

Here's the thing. It' been pointed out before and there are many times I have thought it. My exgirlfriend is just a bit mentally abusive. It's the mind games she plays and the manipulations she does. She pulled out all the cards in the hat. She "jokingly" talked trash about me and would make smartass comment. But she's done this along. She has some anger issues. It made me want to hang up.

She can be such a good person. But when things don't go her way she can be like that. A friend believes that I'm finding it hard to let go of her because I am caught in a cycle of abuse with her.

When your do you really let go? It's not like I don't want to. I've tried.....but failed.

When in situations have you dealt with it?

It's so perplexing at times. Perhaps because I know she's so much better than how she's acting at the time. Maybe because of my sexual abuse history that I find I have to have some form of abuse in my life. I know I don't really have to have that. And I'm trying to let go....

Can you even stay friends.......somewhere down the line?
Tags: manipulation
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