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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
been a while. 
4th-Sep-2006 03:01 pm
never ending story
It's been a while since I have been here, I travelled for a bit before settling in the country of my birth Switzerland, and have had no internet access at all in all in about two months.

I just wanted to share how the change of scenery has made me feel, differently. No scares, no flashbacks (well I did leave the place where I was raped far far behind after all) and to be honest, even when I have been thinking about the event itself, it seems to be different, rather matter of fact: I have been there, I spent a long time dealing with it, and now have the t-shirt. I'm not scared to think about it anymore, I don't get gripped with fear and start panicking, it's just another memory now. I'm not sure how I got here, and I thought I was here months ago when I wasn't really. Even though the secong anniversary (if you can call it that) is coming up on the 19th Sept, my thoughts aren't constantly on it. I actually think I will be alright, which is a relief as I was a bloody wreck last year.

I dunno, maybe following my dreams has not only taken my mind off it but helped me put it into the context of my life a bit more.

There is one person I truly, truly, truly have to thank. Diane, aka teardrops7. The only pain I feel now is her loss. I wish she could be here to see how much she helped me, to see the good work she did by helping me through the darkest stages, holding my hand, giving me understanding and encouragement. She was a wonderful woman, and I considered her to be a mother, as a few of you here probably did too. I miss her with all my heart, and wish she was still here, but she left a legacy, she proved to me that people miles apart from each other who have never met can truly have a deep impact on your life, she gave me hope, she allowed me to breathe and taught me not to be scared, she showed me life, unfortunately it was far too late already for me to do the same for her. She knew she was going before joining this community and decided to help as many people as she could before the time ran out, and I am so thankful to her for the few months we got to spend together. She was an angel, is an angel, and I thank this community for allowing me to know her.
Comments 
4th-Sep-2006 04:42 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad that a change of environment hasn't shaken up lots of flashbacks and such - sometimes just going for what you want can be a big help to making your stress low enough to make things much better.

I miss Diane so much, and I'm so glad that we all got to know her before she passed on. She was so loving, and so passionate, and gave me a lot of hope for my future. I keep expecting to open my e-mail to see ten comments from her, and when I remember, I go give the "Diane Bear" (a stuffy I made in her honor) big hugs.
8th-Sep-2006 12:38 am (UTC) - hi
Diane was my Soul MOther I loved her very much we were very close I'm still trying to figure out which post you responded too...
this is a website I made in her memory that you can leave prayers on and so on in the guestbook

http://www.geocities.com/leo485/soulmothersmemorial.html

My Email is included on the page
Big safe gentle hugs
leo485
8th-Sep-2006 01:04 am (UTC) - Re: hi
The post was on June 9th, entitled Survivours United.

I cried when I saw her pictures, when I saw the site. It is so comforting to know that she had a great impact on others too, that she shared her soul with everyone she came into contact with.

I miss her terribly
8th-Sep-2006 01:09 am (UTC) - I miss her too
she died infront of me and I saw them trying to resesitate her as well we were very close she called me her soul daughter and I called her my soul mother I still cry myself to sleep and hold the teddybears I gave her in the hospital...I had to explain to the doctors what happened and to her family who I am still in contact with...
Big safe gentle hugs
leo485
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