tie_my_wrists (tie_my_wrists) wrote in _survivors_,

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been a while.

It's been a while since I have been here, I travelled for a bit before settling in the country of my birth Switzerland, and have had no internet access at all in all in about two months.

I just wanted to share how the change of scenery has made me feel, differently. No scares, no flashbacks (well I did leave the place where I was raped far far behind after all) and to be honest, even when I have been thinking about the event itself, it seems to be different, rather matter of fact: I have been there, I spent a long time dealing with it, and now have the t-shirt. I'm not scared to think about it anymore, I don't get gripped with fear and start panicking, it's just another memory now. I'm not sure how I got here, and I thought I was here months ago when I wasn't really. Even though the secong anniversary (if you can call it that) is coming up on the 19th Sept, my thoughts aren't constantly on it. I actually think I will be alright, which is a relief as I was a bloody wreck last year.

I dunno, maybe following my dreams has not only taken my mind off it but helped me put it into the context of my life a bit more.

There is one person I truly, truly, truly have to thank. Diane, aka teardrops7. The only pain I feel now is her loss. I wish she could be here to see how much she helped me, to see the good work she did by helping me through the darkest stages, holding my hand, giving me understanding and encouragement. She was a wonderful woman, and I considered her to be a mother, as a few of you here probably did too. I miss her with all my heart, and wish she was still here, but she left a legacy, she proved to me that people miles apart from each other who have never met can truly have a deep impact on your life, she gave me hope, she allowed me to breathe and taught me not to be scared, she showed me life, unfortunately it was far too late already for me to do the same for her. She knew she was going before joining this community and decided to help as many people as she could before the time ran out, and I am so thankful to her for the few months we got to spend together. She was an angel, is an angel, and I thank this community for allowing me to know her.
Tags: mourning, positivity
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