earthygirrl (earthygirrl) wrote in _survivors_,

I just got back from my counseling session. It went good. In a nice way, I was reminded that If I agree that most of the therepy work occurs outside of a session, then I have to do work outside of it. This, I'm sure, was prompted after I told her that I hadn't really thought about what happen at the last session or let myself feel it again. Yeah. I know...... 

Really scared.....
I'm scared of feeling those feelings.

At the end of the session, I had another feeling. It had nothing i'm sure to do with her. She was looking at her watch and wrapping things up. I felt neglected. I felt like she didn't care.

I know that is irrational. I know it's not true. But it's what I felt.

Then I got back and my gf was not on messenger. She headed out to run errands and will be back later. I felt neglected again. The first thing that came to mind was that--there is never anyone around when I need them to be around---.

I felt alone.

Once again not true. But it's what I felt. Ummm. I just realized something. I'm sitting her writing this and i realize that i can write easily about what I felt like....neglected...alone. But what about the emmotions? That was one thing that my counseler was saying. To feel the emotions and sit in them for a while. Yeah. I can talk about it all I like but I'm not feeling much of anything. I couldn't even tell you what I feel about those things. I just feel sad and I want to cry.

I've got some work to do.

I suppose some journaling will happen. I'll have to tap into it sometime.....

But I'm still scared....
Tags: abandonment issues
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