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I just got back from my counseling session. It went good. In a nice… 
29th-Aug-2006 04:02 pm
I just got back from my counseling session. It went good. In a nice way, I was reminded that If I agree that most of the therepy work occurs outside of a session, then I have to do work outside of it. This, I'm sure, was prompted after I told her that I hadn't really thought about what happen at the last session or let myself feel it again. Yeah. I know...... 


Really scared.....
I'm scared of feeling those feelings.

At the end of the session, I had another feeling. It had nothing i'm sure to do with her. She was looking at her watch and wrapping things up. I felt neglected. I felt like she didn't care.

I know that is irrational. I know it's not true. But it's what I felt.

Then I got back and my gf was not on messenger. She headed out to run errands and will be back later. I felt neglected again. The first thing that came to mind was that--there is never anyone around when I need them to be around---.

I felt alone.

Once again not true. But it's what I felt. Ummm. I just realized something. I'm sitting her writing this and i realize that i can write easily about what I felt like....neglected...alone. But what about the emmotions? That was one thing that my counseler was saying. To feel the emotions and sit in them for a while. Yeah. I can talk about it all I like but I'm not feeling much of anything. I couldn't even tell you what I feel about those things. I just feel sad and I want to cry.

I've got some work to do.

I suppose some journaling will happen. I'll have to tap into it sometime.....

But I'm still scared....
Comments 
30th-Aug-2006 01:20 am (UTC)
Writing and even talking about feelings can almost put a bit of distance between us and the emotions - it's *tough* to just feel them and sit with them. It can be overwhelming, especially since our brains do so much to keep us from feeling them.

And when my therapist does the checking the watch thing, I feel the same way, even though I know she'd never rush me out. It's something that we can get so used to - feeling like we're meaningless, that we almost expect people to think of us that way before we remember that they care about us
30th-Aug-2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
---It's something that we can get so used to - feeling like we're meaningless, that we almost expect people to think of us that way before we remember that they care about us----

Yup!

Thanks for the support!
30th-Aug-2006 06:45 am (UTC)
I totally hear the whole "no one is there when I need them."

I have been working through all my PTSD/Dissociative Disorder/Aftermath of the numerous Rapes/Child Abuse(Sexual/Physical/Emotional/Mental) on my own because everytime I reach out for help, I basically get slapped in the face and eventually whomever I am asking help from gets tired of putting up with me and either refuses to help me further, or turns abusive & I have to get out of that situation.

When shit happens to me & I have to deal with it, I am *ALWAYS* on my own.

You are not alone in feeling that way.

*safe hugs*
~chelsea
30th-Aug-2006 04:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for that!
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