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It took me a day or so, but it finally occured to me that the reason… 
18th-Aug-2006 07:10 pm
It took me a day or so, but it finally occured to me that the reason I ended up cutting again was because I was triggered into disocation. I've never disociated that bad, which was probably why I didn't realize at first that I had disociated. After I realized that, it occured to me that I had probably cut as a way to ground myself; to get back to reality. I don't want that to happen again; the guilt of cutting haunts me for weeks after the event, and ends up making me spiral.

What are some other grounding techniques that work? I've heard of things, like feeling the fabric on your pants, holding something that you did not have at the time of your abuse, et cetera. But how do I make myself realize in the first place that I'm disociating, before I'm too far gone to help myself? Grounding techniques won't help me if I don't know when I need them.

Any ideas?

-Rachel Grace
19th-Aug-2006 02:24 am (UTC)
i don't have any advice for you, because i myself most often can't find the way to stay in reality. but i want to send you lots of hugs. i hope you're safe. hugs.
19th-Aug-2006 03:44 am (UTC)
The way that worked best for me was having an alarm on my watch. I set it to go off every so often (every hour or so). Every time I heard the beep, I checked in with myself - was I spacey? What was I feeling? What was I thinking about?

After about a week of this, it got to be a bit easier for me to remember every once in a while to check in, without needing the watch beep to remind me. It's a bit of a weird way, but it can really help you to notice when you first start to slip off into dissociation
19th-Aug-2006 07:39 am (UTC)
I just learned to be aware of the state of my reality. Like, for example, when I dissociate, I actually get numb physically. If I try to touch something and cannot feel it, I realize that, "hey, I'm dissociating". I used to use cutting to ground myself and I honestly can say the easiest sensation to "bring me back" is pain. If I can cause some sort of physical pain to myself, I can get out of that numb state.

Lately, now that I'm in a relationship with someone that really truly gives a shit about me, I have been doing everything I can to avoid hurting myself. The thing that I've found seems to work well is when I feel the numbness, I do a fist-to-hand movement until one of my hands hurts (basically punching my hand until I feel pain). It helps me to avoid hurting myself in a really bad way, and it's something that does give me the desired effect to bring me out of that dark box.

The last time I dissociated, I didn't hurt myself at all. I was actually in the middle of a conversation with my lover as we were driving down the road and I began to feel the diminished sensation in my limbs. I communicated to them that something was wrong and they pulled over the vehicle and got out, coming over to my side of the vehicle and opening the door. My lover made me get out of the car and stand up.

This is a big thing for me because when I dissociate I get weak and cannot stand or grip things. Their making me get out of the vehicle forced me to force my body back into working order.

When I dissociate, even though I cannot feel things, I can detect pressure on my skin. I told my lover this and my lover began rubbing their hands on my arms, shoulders, back, tummy, and face, and squeezing my hands. We kept eye-contact and kept talking. My lover kept asking what I was feeling, to try and identify my feelings, try to think as to what set this off, to try and focus on them. After a few minutes, this did pull me out of my dissociative state and I was able to be in reality again.

I suppose it's different for every person, but like I said, I've just managed to become aware of my state of mind. I believe that is the first step to really dealing with dissociation in a healthy way. I know that for me to reach that awareness, I used to do checks on myself whenever I felt the need to cut. It finally clicked that, "hey when I feel like this, this is what's happening!"

I hope my rambling at least made some sense to you.

*safe huggles & good luck*
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