This will be my third try as a freshman. First time, I tried to kill myself, and they asked me to leave. Second time, I had a severe dissociative episode and missed midterms because I was seven years old and hiding in the closet. If I screw up this time, there won't be a second chance. I'll lose my scholarship, and the University will formally kick me out.
I can't screw up this time.
I'm a lot further in recovery than I was the last two times I tried. I'm actually dealing with what happened to me that caused me to feel suicidal and dissociate. I have a great therapist who's really helping me with stuff. I'm doing a lot better at managing triggers, and I've stopped all the self-destructive behaviors that I was using before.
And I have a dear friend who is also a survivor who will be there. And my karate class--love my karate class. But I just worry, you know?