earthygirrl (earthygirrl) wrote in _survivors_,

So today at starbucks was so much better! I helped with coffee and snacks and then rang a bit. I'm so glad cause another crazy day would have been hell for me!  There probally is some added drama wth the regulars since I'm the new girl...but good thing I can zone all that out!  Communication seems like it's good...and not so good at times there. So better....

The other thing I have noticed is this; My perfectionist issues.  This revolves in any world where there is someone who is looking to me to do a good....and too whom I want to please and excel by. I want to do a good job for myself as well....but just as well for them.  Now. This becomes a problem when I'm not moving at the speed, or grasping a concept, that I feel I should.  I.E. on register the other day I had a hard times with names of drinks and how to say them right.  I got mega frustrated with myself and kind of beat myself up for it.  I have to learn not to do that. It was only my second day!!!

This not only effect my day job...but I'm just as hard on myself in the creative field. The first day...if it's not right....I get upset with myself. I have to be reminded that I should be having fun!  I say...It's fun! but I have to get it right!

I know that these issues stem from being brought up in an alcholic enviroment. Possible in it's own right....the sexual abuse and consistant movement when I was younger.  Trying to make sure everyone's pleased thus everything is perfect thus there are no conflicts.

That is a really hard lesson though for me. I don't know exactlly how to go about begining to learn to handle it correctly. I guess it all goes into acccepting the work I do as good and is as much as I can do at that time.

It's hard for me to even accept the progress I've made in begining to heal because of this. People will say...."you've come so far....your very brave!" I'll just nod my head and shrug my shoulders. I don't really believe it. I don't even know how to understand in beliving it. 

Thanks ya'll. Your such a great bunch and help me out into so many ways with your support!

Tags: perfectionism
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