Sepia_Lies (sepia_lies) wrote in _survivors_,

So I was supposed to see my new therapist Mary...Didnt actaully do that. I was at work and she called me. So I answered and freaked out for one when she said who it was, than she was talking to me about Im like..well call my mom. So she did. I got off of work, fully ready to go tlak with Mary, and tell her about my cutting and wanteing to kill myself. Which still holds. But the insureance or something wont voer it anymore, they decided, like in the begining, it wasnt impoertant enough. 
So here I sit...just like before, trying to make it through each day. Im so angry. Everytime I get the strength to do something like change my life...things always happen and it cant happen. Like when CPS was comming to my house when I was ganna prosecute, it took four times for them to actually come. And everytime I got so ready to do it..and it wouldnt happen and Id fall apart. Like now..Im like..Wtf? What do I need to do for this to happen? How much lower do I need to get? How much more desperate do I need to be? How much more do I need to want to die for this to happen??? Someone answer me!

My mom also called my not exactly sure anymore dad refused to help her help me. He said he wanted nothing to do with me.
Thanks dad.

I think my aunt saw my cuts. I cut deeper on my knee and I think she saw..she was staring...Idk. It woudl help amybe if she said something..but idk. What would she say?

idk. Im scared...lost..and fed up. I need someting to happen...I just dunno what it is...or how to get it.

Tags: abuse: neglect, family, invalidation, therapy

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