lostmyfaith (lostmyfaith) wrote in _survivors_,

So Since today was my big four year anniversary...
I decided to just hang out with a friend to keep my mind off of things.
Bad idea.
This is a guy friend who
Him and I have hooked up in the past but are just friends now.
I used to like him, but he chose to go with his ex over me...
Which was okay cause it was just a crush anyway.
So we stayed friends,
And they recently broke up,
I helped him through it,
And even snuck out of my house one night to be there for him.
So anyway,
He knew tonight was an anniversary of something bad for me.
Though he didn't know what exactly.
Long story short 
we went to a movie,
and me being sad,
and wanting to feel loved,
wished he would hold my hand or something.
But of course he didnt.
I was stupid to wish it.
But like I said I was feeling lonely.
I guess he is talking to her again.
Which is cool.
I just have one question/ thought:
Where The Hell Are You God?!?!!?
Why are all these people around me.
All these girls.
And all these boys.
Fucking up twice as much as me
And they still have someone!?!
They have gone through half the heartache
Half the heartbreak,
That I have,
So why am I the one who is 
What the hell did I do wrong???
Have I not tried to live with love in my heart,
Have I not tried not be bitter,
Have I not tried to show love and compassion to others,
even when my heart was breaking,
So when is my turn?!?!
Why haven't you answered my prayers???
Why am I still alone??
Are you listening?
Have you forgotten me?
Is my voice lost among the million others 
That pray to you every night?
I need to know.
I  need to understand.
I dont want to be alone anymore.
Please help me.

Tags: letter: venting, seeking support

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