I sense she does not agree with my partner's and my analysis of our no-sex situation. She can get quite harsh and almost aggressive if I'm talking about any shared finances. I see Vicki and I as a steady and strong couple that has been together for years. There is no plan of us leaving any time soon, and we grow to help eachother out more and more. We have hangups and imperfections that don't mesh so well as a "unit", but that's why we're both talking about therapy.
One example: A fear Vicki has about starting therapy is not being able to afford it. It'll be a $30 copay once she is on my insurance. I have said I would help her psy for it. My therapist was dead against that, arguing that we need to be two separate people and I shouldn't "overfunction" in the relationship. We still have separate bank accounts and incomes, we split bills in half and help out whichever one of us is low that month.
She also argues that having sex as infrequently as we do is really abnormal for a 25 year old and hints that I should think about other options.
You would think that the fact that Vicki and I communicate a lot would be good, that we're both talking about working on this, that we've acknowledged some of our major hang ups is a good thing. You would think that the fact that I've moved away from my abusive parents and drawn lines for them to respect with the support of Vicki would be a major acheivement. Vicki forces me, a very passive person, to make major decisions about my life.
Two 25 year olds trying to make it work in a culture obsessed with sex seems to be a positive thing.
I know we don't do everything right, but I hope it is worth working and waiting for. So often I think about what we haven't had. But I see such an infinite glimmer of potential within Vicki and within us.
How do you know when your therapist is full of shit, and when she is showing you something you are not strong enough to see? I hate doubt and uncertainty.