Sepia_Lies (sepia_lies) wrote in _survivors_,

A guy?

Idk how I feel about this. But...Im willing to give it a try. I mean what eles do I have? It took half a year to get this, I cant give this up again. No way in hell.
But..he's a guy.
Ok Story time.
So About..half a year ago I stopped seeing my therapist, Antionette, beucase that bitchass betrayed me in the worst way anyone can betray a person.
She told my secret. She told the police I was molested, by my Half Brother.
After I found out about that, I saw her once more. Where I learned my mom knew the whole time, and it was repeared abuse for the time of A year, which I did not know. I was furious. I got up and left. And that was the last time I ever saw her...
yet the bitch was expecting me to come back to her? HA. If I could Id lauhg in her face. 
Besides she had the most annoying voice and the fakest red hair Ive ever seen...and she alwyas used MY EXACT FREAKING WORDS..agaisnt me. ugh and her Im sorry it was for the best I stop seeing her, I couldnt stand her anyway.

So now...Ive been on my own and its not working. At one point,..about two weeks ago I was severly Suicidal. I still am...idk. I was crying everyday, just sometimes I cry on a spree kinda thinfg. Today no tears. yesturday tho I did cry. Im cutting again..not often but when I do its a mess. I need help. And I know it. This time, Im ready for it. Im willing, which is totall opposite from last time.

So now Ive been nagging my mom for months beucase I need help...but she will nto get me it.My mother..what to say about her? All of you know know my story know the kind of person she is..And the kind of person I am...we dont all. I hate her.
But now, apparently she got me a new therapist. She said she should know a date for first session by the end of the week..I think thats what she said...only..Hes a guy.
Idk how to react to that...I mean..ok I dont do well with boys...but..idk I guess this kinda scares me..becuase my idea of the whole..male gender is really..not a good one at all. So its to say this..Like no matter what Id say..Id be wrong becuase hes a guy and Im a girl. I guess what it is...
My abuser was male..and this is my first male doctor..soo its like Woah.
I mean..idk hwo to sit face to face..and talk to some 40 year old offense to the guys out there..but you fuckers scare the shit out of me.
Idk how to feel on this..Anyone have a male doctor?
Can anyone help me out?

Yeah so if I was on your LJ buds..add me again.
Tags: abuse: emotional, seeking opinions, therapy

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