roseyposey01 (roseyposey01) wrote in _survivors_,

Sorry, I know I've been posting here a lot. Is there a limit? If so, I can take this down...

The last time I felt this way was 3 years ago, when my ex-boyfriend (attacker) broke up with me. Right now, tonight, I feel like I'm dead inside. I just keep laying here and looking up at the ceiling, feeling like I want to die. I found some pictures of my ex's house, it wasn't much but just enough. I ripped them up and burned them. I'm trying to talk to some of my friends online but it's hard because no one knows what's going on with me except for one person and they're gone away for a few days. I wish I could be like "talk me down, I'm not feeling good in my head," but then they'll ask me why and a bunch of other questions. I'm trying to just watch tv and keep myself busy right now, I'd never attempt suicide because of all this. It's enough that he owns my thoughts right now, I'm not going to let him own my life. This just sucks. I don't know what to do or how to get this feeling to go away.

On another completely unrelated note, I can't remember anything about the survey I took today. I remember telling them I was raped by my ex. Besides that, I can't remember. I can't even remember what the screeners looked like. Ever since I've been dealing with this my memory is out the window. I can't remember anything.
Tags: emotional numbing, seeking support, suicidal thoughts

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