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So, for people who have confronted their abuser, or maybe just… 
11th-Jul-2006 09:43 pm
For Every Boy and Girl

So, for people who have confronted their abuser, or maybe just know the answer. How far has/do people thing their abuser would go to discredit your accusations? I mean, does anyone have bad experiences with that?

Ok, this isn't making sense, lets try this again. Last week, thanks to someone I thought I could trust, my secret was made known to EVERY SINGLE member of my family, including my abuser (hence the nasty comments in my previous thread). Not only was I thrown out of my house, but I am now being ostrasized by my entire family, even the ones I was on good terms with. My aunt picked me up from work, had all of my belongings in the back of the van, and took me downtown to the homeless shelter. She expected me to fend for myself. Well, amasingly, I have fared very very well, thanks to other people I have in my life who support me.

But I know that not a single person in my family believes me. This is precisly why I was not going to ever confront him, because I knew they would make me out to be crazy. I may have some issues, but I am by no means crazy. What are other people's experiences who have confronted their abuser, or if family and friends have found out? I am 800 miles away from the majority of my family, so I do not believe they can do anything to me up here, but I am still a little worried. I have a good job, and I don't want the one person who lives in my town to make trouble for me. If they do start to cause trouble, is there anything I can do about it? I know I am asking a lot of questions here, and a lot of them probably don't make sense, but I am exploring new territory here. I have never been in this predicament (if it can be called that...*sigh*) before.

I am tired, so I am sorry if this isn't making sense...but I have been worrying about this for days. I have lived through a lot in my life, and I'm sure I will live through more....I just want a break for once.

Thanks a lot for letting me ramble. :)
12th-Jul-2006 03:49 am (UTC)
I don't know what to tell you. I too have hesitated to confront my abuser (my biological father), although several relatives on his side of the family would support me. (A few years ago, I told my aunt [his sister], who believes me; she said she'd believe me over a drunk who can't ever admit he's wrong any day.)

If someone starts harassing you, you do have legal recourse; you can file a complaint with the police department and you can request a restraining order (or order of protection or whatever it's called where you are) if the behavior makes you feel fearful for your personal safety and/or your life. If the person who lives near you doesn't do anything, then you really can't do much but try to avoid him/her.

*hugs, tea, and sympathy*
12th-Jul-2006 04:29 am (UTC)
I can't imagine what you're going through right now - it's so unbelievably wrong for your family to do that to you. It's always been really hard for me to understand families in which they blame the victim, imo it's because it's easier for them if they put the guilt off so they don't have to deal with it themselves. These are times when I hate parts of the human race the most. I agree with the above poster, don't hesitate to get a restraining order if someone is harassing you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you...
12th-Jul-2006 05:21 am (UTC)
i have never confronted my abuser face to face. the facts of my abuse came out towards the end of my stay in hell (aka a treament center in st. george, ut) and it was called into cps. its really a long story. if you want to hear it, comment on my lj and i'll tell you.
12th-Jul-2006 05:24 am (UTC)
oops, accidently hit post comment. i can't imagine how hard this is for you. to have your whole family against you must be devestating. i don't know what else to say, but that i'm sosososo sorry.
12th-Jul-2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
When I confronted my abuser, my immediate family disbelieved me. When I continued to stick to my guns and insist that I had been abused? I ended up just like you - at a homeless shelter for a night before arranging for other housing accomodations (mostly friends' houses). I was homeless for about a year (couch-surfing mostly) before getting my feet back under me.

My father (my main abuser) did a lot to try to discredit me. My mom helped him in that claiming I'd been brainwashed, and claiming that I have "false memory syndrome" (which doesn't really exist, btw)

The worst they did? My father stalked me. My parents threatened a slander/libel suit against me for speaking out as an incest survivor. I still worry from time to time that my father might get the notion to hurt me. But really, the worst they've done was kick me out and threaten me... and after what I lived through up to that point, it was handle-able.

What you can do if they cause trouble? Slander or a libel suit. If they spread rumours about you that affect your income, you can drag them over the coals financially. You can also get a restraining order keeping them from your place of work and residence. The law, in general, supports you in this case more than your family, as it requires that they be civil to you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tough having someone break your silence for you, because you're not prepared for what might come of it. I'll keep my momma-bear eyes peeled for anyone else who dares harass you here - but if I miss a comment, let me know so I can help you get the authorities to *order* them to stop
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