add on to the other post

i'm afraid to go in and get tested b/c i've been hurt before and it put me through a lot of stuff i don't wanna face the police or doctors or my mom and i think another reason why i don't wanna get checked out is i'm afraid i'll get my bro and his friends in trouble because at the party there were a lot of drugs and if the police have to go to my grams they could seas her house and i don't want to get into trouble i'm just really scared and just thinking about how it could of happend to me again is devastating but i know i need to go to the doctor b/c ever since that day i have been sick and not able to eat and all i wanna do is sleep, be alone it's weird i've stopped talking and the only real way i have been expressing myself is through writing in the last two years i have been raped by 5 men it's scary and hard to deal with and i've been hating myself and not wanting to be here on earth b/c of all the pain i have i just need help and support sorry for rambaling on