i'm afraid to go in and get tested b/c i've been hurt before and it put me through a lot of stuff i don't wanna face the police or doctors or my mom and i think another reason why i don't wanna get checked out is i'm afraid i'll get my bro and his friends in trouble because at the party there were a lot of drugs and if the police have to go to my grams they could seas her house and i don't want to get into trouble i'm just really scared and just thinking about how it could of happend to me again is devastating but i know i need to go to the doctor b/c ever since that day i have been sick and not able to eat and all i wanna do is sleep, be alone it's weird i've stopped talking and the only real way i have been expressing myself is through writing in the last two years i have been raped by 5 men it's scary and hard to deal with and i've been hating myself and not wanting to be here on earth b/c of all the pain i have i just need help and support sorry for rambaling on
Call a rape hotline it is completely confidincial (they cant tell anyone) you dont even have to tell them your real name, how much you say to them is completely up to you. To get tested just call up your local planned parenthood they are confidencial too. you dont have to tell them you were raped or anything you can just say you want to get tested. they also have a sliding scale if money is an issue. I know it is really hard and you are afraid of getting other people in trouble, but you deserve to be taken care of.
Be well. feel better sweetie