BLehh!! AHHH! AHHH!!!!
I can't believe I did that ! I can't BELIEVE I did that! I CAN'T Believe I did it!! AHHH!!!!!
I said, OUT LOUD, in front of a GROUP of people I DON'T KNOW WELL that I was raped. HOLY CRAP!!
And I did a DAMN good job of it too! I was calm, I was cool, my words were razor-sharp and to the point, bringing listeners to the edge of their seats with poignant imagery.
I think I have a talent for this speaking from the heart on the spot kind of thing.
HOLY CRAP. HOLY Crap. Holy CRAP!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!
Man I wish it weren't 3am in most places where those who would most understand the weight this holds for me, (besides Vivek, who witnessed the event), live and now sleep.
I just need to EXPLODE, to someone who won't say "great, want to watch a movie now?"
ARGHH!!! I DID IT!! I EXPRESSED!!! OUT LOUD!!! TO MANY PEOPLE!!
My heart was pounding and my body was shaking, but it was all internal. On the outside I was calm, powerful, and cool as a cucumber.
As it should be.
I also peed about 8 thousand times in the 20min leading up to my time slot. In the 10min leading up to it, my throat went dry, my tongue felt too big for my mouth, and I thought I might throw up several times. However, each time I went to the bathroom and looked myself in the face, I knew tonight was the night. All nervousness melted away as I saw my own cool exterior, bolstered by the strength of my sisters in survival, praying to the gods to let my heart speak its truth in a clear and powerful way. And it WORKED! The words just FLOWED out of my mouth, in the poetry that is a dance, in the way that only heart words do - out powerfullly, and then gone, recycled to the universe for someone else to use.
I DID IT.
**And she breathes once more**.