i didnt really lose any independance. i have it somewhere inside of me, but its hard to pinpoint sometimes. i know i can go wherever in the city that i please, but sometimes, its kind of hard. i know that i can do whatever i want, that those men have no control over stopping me. but sometimes its the reminders that get me, the things that make me believe im 'damaged goods'. but im not, you see. theres just evil men in the world who think that by taking a girl's body that they take something from her. but i believe that is untrue. i am just as strong and able as i always was, and no one can take my strength away from me.
What pieces of independence have you already regained?
when i was raped, i felt that this man was telling me that i would never be loved. well, fuck you, because i am in a loving relationship, and you could never take that away. but there was a time, and sometimes i still believe this, that i could not comprehend love or self love, or anything to do with love. it was out of my reach. i have regained hope, because there were many times when i gave up. i am happy to announce that i am alive and kicking and i will continue to persevere.
also, i have been strong enough to confront my abusers about what had happened. i have also regained a friendship that almost ended due to some miscommunication (he kissed me, and i froze up. i later told him about it very angrily).
i have also given up drugs and drinking (well, more so partying), as that had a big impact on each time i was raped, as well as being a way to run away from badd memories.
What sort of independence are you working towards now?
someday, i want to be independant enough to go into the shop where one of my abusers works and straight up punch him in the nose. other than that, i want to be independant enough to not have someone take me step by step through each thing that im doing in life. i also want to go back to school and get my high school diploma. i havent been able to because of the people there that reminded me of things better left unsaid.