floridahelp (floridahelp) wrote in _survivors_,
floridahelp
floridahelp
_survivors_

I haven't posted here in awhile because things have been so hectic. It seemed like things were going so good for my friend.
Today is the day that the baby my friend had from being raped was born.  He died 4 days later.  She was raped almost a year later at the cemetary he's at and she hasn't been able to go back.  It reminds her of everything that went out in the past two years and she gets uncontrolablly depressed and I don't know what to do about it.  She barely wants to talk to me.  When she does she's upset.  She told me she had given up all hope of getting better yesterday.  She took a trip to a friend of her family's summer home for a week and she's all by herself now and it worries me.  She doesn't want to sleep.  Recently she was taking 25 mgs of Zoloft but she's taking 50 mgs again, she was taking 100 for part of the time last year but she said it made her feel suicidal so she stopped.  She doesn't want to go to the lady she was going to for therapy because she said she feels like it isn't helping.  I told her I'd help her find a new one, which she actually seemed open to, but I suggested she go see a behaviorist type therapist, because I think that'd help her deal with the anxiety of going to the cemetary, so she'd stop feeling so bad for not going to his grave (and I know she shouldn't, because she's been through so much, but it's natural that you're going to feel bad for not going to your child's grave), but she said she couldn't do that.  I realize this would be intense, but I don't know what to do.  She did agree to go to group therapy though.  That's at least a plus.  She's majoring in psychology with a minor in social work, but she said that "someone with her issues" shouldn't do something like that.  And that alls she's ever going to be good at is being a waitress and that she should drop out of school.  I'm sorry I don't think this is flowing very well at the moment, sorry if it's hard to keep up with.  I asked her if she'd get a book about grief and one for the sexual abuse, but she said she wouldn't because it would just tell her all the things that her therapist tells her anyway.  She hasn't been sleeping very good at all, she woke up early this morning, and she used to call me if she woke up from a bad dream but she stopped doing that.  She says her medicine isn't helping her and therapy isn't helping her but there have been times that she's been doing so good and I wish she could see that.  I know a lot of it has to do with what time of the year it is, but I'm really worried about her.  She's never been this bad before, or this depressed.  I'm scared she might hurt herself or worse.  I keep telling her how strong she is, but she doesn't believe me.  She just says she's weak and dumb or an idiot.  It hurts me when she says that because she's my life.  I don't know what I'd do without her and I love her so much.  I wish I could make her feel all better.  I'd do anything for her to feel happy again.  If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.  Again sorry if this is hard to read.
Tags: insomnia, medication, pregnancy, rape, seeking support: for a friend, therapy
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