i told Scott about my pregnancy concerns... and he was so good. he told me he'd support me through anything and whatever decision i make, whether i abort, adopt out or want to keep it. he says it doesnt matter because no matter what i'll still be the "same 'Gria i love."
so tomorrow im hiking out to the doctor to do a preg test... scary stuff. im already prepared for it to turn true: but i still dont know exactly which is my best option. so im waiting for a sign, for something to give me a nudge in the right direction, because i dont want to regret this forever.
and my dreams are back. its like a montage of all those bad memories, so fast and like a silent film. so right now, im not sleeping well. im way too scared of re-living that torture in my sleep. its bad enough when im awake and i escape it somehow... but i just cant seem to wake myself until its all over.