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No. No way. Screw that. 
13th-Jun-2006 09:15 pm
Well, I HAD made an appointment to see the doctor again. (Recap for anyone who doesn't remember, I've only seen him once, I only really need him for medication management, I have a counselor for actual talk therapy. The one time I saw him he asked me if I had resisted what my dad did to me, or if it was "just statutory rape." Doctor shit episode 1, episode 2, and episode 3.)

The appointment was for tomorrow morning, but last night I realized that if I didn't deposit the money I had set aside for the appointment into the checking account, the checking account would be overdrawn. Rent came out of the most recent paycheck, and we also had to buy parts for my car (which is mercifully running again, so I can give my parents back the car they've been letting me use and get them off my back), so money is a wee bit tight. I thought I would be able to call the doctor's office, explain that I can't afford to make the appointment and reschedule. Simple, right?

Not hardly.

I got a lovely (/sarcasm) letter from the doctor's office shortly before I made the appointment, in which they informed me that if I didn't make an appointment soon, they would close my chart. So I made the damn appointment, thinking that I would be able to afford to go.

When I called to reschedule, for one thing, one of the office people got incredibly snotty with me; "Why do you need to reschedule?" (It wasn't the question, which seems reasonable to me; it was the vocal tone.) But what would have seemed reasonable to me, once I explained that I simply do not have the money, would have been to let me reschedule the goddamned appointment, let me pick up another sample package of medication so that I don't stop taking my meds in the interim, and shut the fuck up. She rescheduled the appointment, and when I asked about med samples, she said she'd have to speak to the doctor and call me back. (Again, not really unreasonable; I can understand having to check with the MD before dispensing psychiatric meds.)

When they called me back, they told me that if I don't keep the appointment tomorrow, my chart will be closed. Closing my chart means that in order to see this doctor again, I would have to pay the initial visit fee ($150-some), and probably fill out some bloody annoying paperwork. They said that I can come in tomorrow and pick up another month's worth of medications, but if I don't come to the appointment (WHICH I CAN'T DO BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY), I will have to pay the initial visit fee again at the rescheduled appointment.

I was so upset when I got off the phone that I immediately bummed a cig. I was trying to quit, or at least cut back severely. (Later on, I went and bought a pack, to avoid bumming too much from my friends.)

I'm still pissed off, and this happened a few hours ago.

I was supposed to meet my parents for supper tonight; my aunt and uncle and some of my cousins are in town, and I would like to see them. But I'm too angry and upset, and I don't want my family to see me like that.

I told my family I didn't want to drive tonight because in order to get where we were to meet for supper, I would have to drive over a major bridge, and we are currently under the last little bits of Tropical Storm Alberto, so I didn't want to drive over a bridge in 45 mph winds. This is true, but it was an excuse.

When I told my boyfriend, he said, "Fuck him. He's an asshat, and we don't need him. We'll find another doctor." He also said that when he goes to work tomorrow (he's a paramedic and works at a hospital), he's going to ask around and find out the proper channels to go through to file a formal complaint.

I have been having the worst time all evening trying to calm myself down; I can't lie down and take a nap because I'm too upset. Every time I try to quiet my mind, I start having thoughts of harming myself, or thoughts of suicide. The old, "This is hopeless, you can't be saved, you're not worth saving, you should just go away" recording is playing in my head again.

I think I'm going to have a friend ride with me tomorrow to pick up my meds, just for moral support. And I'm going to need her help anyway, to get my parents' car back to them. I just hope I've calmed down enough to drive safely by then.
14th-Jun-2006 01:43 am (UTC)
Wow - I *hate* when doc offices pull this sh!t. ::big hugs:: As if there isn't enough to deal with without them making money and appointments such a big issue.
14th-Jun-2006 02:23 am (UTC)
I have NEVER had a mental health professional treat me like this guy and his support staff have. The only experience I've ever had that came close was during my last episode with hospitalizations.

I was having severe headaches, and my general practitioner (who was wonderful) referred me to a neurologist since we couldn't figure out what was causing the headaches. In the interim, I informed my psychiatrist of what was going on; I was trying to be a responsible patient. I was seeing four doctors at the time: my GP, my psychiatrist, an orthopedic surgeon (for tendinitis in my right hand and for rehabbing my left knee after surgery), and the neurologist. So I figured it was my responsibility to make sure all my doctors knew what the other doctors were doing, what medications they were prescribing, and so forth. When I told my psychiatrist (who was also wonderful, and I wish like hell he hadn't moved away), he prescribed Klonopin for me, thinking that it might be tension causing my headaches. The neurologist called me a druggie and threw the bottle of Klonopin at me, when I saw him next. If I'd had the energy, I'd have tried to report him, but at the time, it was all I could do to get from day to day. I even started to write up a statement, but it's still languishing in my filing cabinet.

But never ever have I had a psychiatrist (and this guy is the sixth one I've seen in my life) treat me like this, or a counselor.

Of course, this is the first time in my life I've tried to see a psychiatrist when I didn't have medical insurance either. But dammit, they were getting paid in cash, without having to file insurance or anything. It was at a fairly decent discount, but still.

As you can see, I'm still pissed off.
14th-Jun-2006 05:41 pm (UTC)
Understandably so - the people who you look to to help you in times like this are being real assholes about it all. You've got every right to be really angry
14th-Jun-2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
14th-Jun-2006 02:34 am (UTC)
You are worth saving, that doctor is being a total ass. I'm glad your boyfriend is standing up for you. I hope you can file that complaint, no-one should be treated like that, it's just shitty. There's no need for them to be pulling this bulloney, they're supposed to be helping you! Garrr!!
14th-Jun-2006 02:45 am (UTC)
And the nice thing about my boyfriend is that he's been a paramedic for ten years. The hospital where he works is the biggest in the area, a teaching hospital, and he has worked there in three different capacities. SOOO, he knows a lot of people, and he can find out exactly the right people to whom to complain. Plus, he's a stubborn sod when he decides to be; he'll raise hell even if I haven't the energy to do it.

Thanks. It's kind of nice to see someone else get angry on my behalf; I had a hard time letting myself be angry on my own behalf for a long time, and it helps to see from other people's reactions that my anger is justified.
14th-Jun-2006 01:26 pm (UTC)
Yes, your anger is totaly justified, what a bunch of prats. Do file a complaint. Grr grr. *hugs*
14th-Jun-2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
I'm going to drop by my boyfriend's work later this evening and find out if he's found out where and how to file a complaint.

18th-Jun-2006 05:03 am (UTC)
Well, it looks like I'm a bit late again...but I think the doctor showed a complete lack of respect and any sort of human kindness...I would bring a friend and also file "paperwork" on this guy...what a jerk...so sorry this happened to you...you have my love and support... hugs :)
18th-Jun-2006 05:04 am (UTC)
Thanks. I got my meds; I still need to find the exact channels through which to complain, but I have every intent of complaining, and if I don't do it, my boyfriend will.

18th-Jun-2006 06:11 am (UTC)
Awesome, great b/f you have there... hugs :)
18th-Jun-2006 10:56 am (UTC)
Yes, he is a good one.

18th-Jun-2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
Gotta keep the good ones...they make us forget about the bad ones we've had in our lives... hugs :)
18th-Jun-2006 08:51 pm (UTC)

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