Margriet (_elbereth_) wrote in _survivors_,

Old cardboard boxes in the attic always tend to reveal things you never knew about. 

After looking through some pictures of my parents' youth, I came across my own photo-album - stuffed with baby pictures and cards saying, "Congratulations! A daughter!" I couldn't keep my eyes away from this tiny kid with the blonde, jumpy curls. I ripped out quite a few pictures and put them in my room so I could remind myself of what I was once like. 

Eagerly, I went through the whole album and when the end of it was near, I starting seeing a slight change. I flipped one of the cards around and read, august 2002.

And then you stop, and think, this is why I've ripped out those baby-pictures.

I want my childhood, my innocence back. I feel like a 30 year-old trapped in a 18 year-old body.

Tags: abuse: child, mourning, photos

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