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I finally talked to my boyfriend last night about the whole doctor… 
11th-May-2006 10:14 am

I finally talked to my boyfriend last night about the whole doctor mess.

My boyfriend is a paramedic, and he said that maybe it was something the doctor needed to know; he said that he has to ask people some fairly weird questions in the course of his job (like asking a woman if there's any chance she might be pregnant, because there are a lot of things that can't/shouldn't be used on pregnant women or asking people if they've used any drugs, because a lot of people don't want to say that they have, but the EMS personnel need to know due to drug interactions).

I can sort of see that; the doctor might need to know. However, he didn't have to phrase it like that.

It made me feel like he thought I'd brought it on myself, like there was something I could have done to stop it.

There wasn't.

I was a quarter his age (11 to his 46) and half his weight; I was also already intimidated. I learned very early in life not to trigger his temper. I'm still very placatory; I hate having people angry at me. I try to make peace, even if it's not in my favor, and if I can't make peace, I withdraw entirely.

And he held me down, pinning my wrists beside my head and my lower body under his body.

There wasn't anything I could have done. He was my only relative within several hundred miles; my grandmother was in New Mexico, my aunt was in California, and the rest of my family was on the East Coast. I had no way to make it stop. (It happened in Arizona.)

I'm still going to see my counselor before I make another appointment with the doctor. I was supposed to see her on Monday, but I didn't have the money to pay for the appointment so I canceled it; I'm supposed to see her next Wednesday (17 May) and I suppose I'll make the decision then.

Part of me thinks I should give the doctor one more chance, in case it was just careless phrasing on his part, and part of me says that the last thing I need right now, what with the suicidal inclinations, is a psychiatrist who wants to blame me for things I couldn't stop.
11th-May-2006 09:23 am (UTC)
If you do go back and see this doctor you have the right to ask him why he said what he did. His intention may not have been to offend you, instead to get an idea as to what your past is...(rape as a child or rape as an adult).
11th-May-2006 01:57 pm (UTC)
If I do go back to him, I intend to ask him about that, because it's bothered the crap out of me for two weeks now.
11th-May-2006 01:02 pm (UTC)
While what the doctor says wreaks of sheer idiocy, there's a chance that this doctor has bought into the idea of children being able to give their consent to sex so early. There are some sections of popular culture that 11-12 year olds are claiming to be able to give their consent... that they're mature enough to make that decision.

The sad thing is those folks don't realize you *can't* give your consent at that age... it's the whole point of having an age of consent. Sounds like your doctor has gotten some of that brainwashing. It's one thing for someone who's 16 to be possibly ready for that decision, depending on the person, but unless we're back in medieval times, 11 is no age of consent.

::hugs:: Remember, it's okay to tell that doctor exactly how it made you feel. He's paid to listen to you, and if he is a royal a$$hole, you can always take your money somewhere else - especially if your money's tight, you don't need to spend it on someone like that. I'd give him the talk and a chance to explain himself, but if he proves to be a jerk, it might be easier to go to someone else
11th-May-2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
That's sort of what I was thinking. I just don't know.
12th-May-2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
His comment was totally inappropriate and you should let him know in no uncertain terms. Ask him to turn the situation back on himself. If he were in your situation, being 11 years old and held down by a 46 year old man and about to be sodomized would he appreciate a question like,"Was it just statutory rape or did you resist?" I find that when people can put themselves in others positions, their perspective changes drastically.

Some doctors just don't know their asshole from a hole in the ground.
14th-May-2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
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