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I'm new here, not a surviver but I read the user info and said anyone… 
28th-Mar-2006 03:33 pm
I'm new here, not a surviver but I read the user info and said anyone looking for advice could also join. And I'm looking for advice.
My boyfriend was rapped as a child. (From what I gather several times by another guy.) He told me this and I never pushed for anything else, figuring if he wanted to talk more he would. I didn't feel right by pushing for more information because I didn't want to upset him or anything.
Well this weekend I was at his house and we were talking about revenge. He said he never gets revenge and he just wanted a little. He also said the closes he got to revenge was fighting back and that wasn't really revenge. I gathered he was talking about what happened to him as a child. Well actaully I narrowed it down to the physical abuse he suffered from someone or that. But I thought it was probably the rape.
He has done this before kinda, mentioned things about it but never really talked about it.
As far as I know only a few people know about it, (Not his parents) and he's never seen anyone about it.
I was wondering if I should sit him down and tell him I'll listen if he wants to talk, no matter what. Or would this be a bad thing to do? I believe he knows i'd listen but I never actaully told him I'm more then willing to be there for him.
So any advice on this would be great. Thank you

EDIT-Sorry this showed up in my friends page and I freaked out so I had to delete it. To those of you who already posted thanks! I still have the posts. Sorry about the re-post.*blushes out of embaressment*
28th-Mar-2006 12:11 pm (UTC)
I don't know that I would necessarily bring it up completely out of the blue, just because it might broadside him. (At least, that is how I might feel.) On the flip side, he may really appreciate that you took the time to tell him even when it wasn't necessarily something immediately affecting you. That just depends on the situation.

But the next time he says something to that affect, where he kind of mentions it but doesn't elaborate, I would definitely say it would be appropriate and supportive to let him know that you are there for him if he ever wanted to talk about it more.
29th-Mar-2006 08:14 am (UTC)
those two little things he mentioned about it were so far apart. So I have no idea when he's going to (if he ever will) bring it up again. And since he mentioned it this weekend I've been thinking about it alot and I do want him to know he can trust me and takl to me if he ever need to. Which hopefully he does already.lol. Just with this I'm not sure with him though.
28th-Mar-2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
If it were me, I would definately make it very clear that I was willing to listen whenever he wanted to talk. It's so hard to talk about such abuse anyway, and I can only imagine that it must be far worse for a man because of the stereotypes out there. Even if he knows you'll listen and be supportive, he may appreciate hearing you actually say it.
28th-Mar-2006 05:52 pm (UTC)
You can go in to your settings, under "Your Friends" and delete this group from the list. I don't believe it will unenlist you as a member, but it will take it off your friends list.
28th-Mar-2006 06:37 pm (UTC)
you can mark a community entry as friends only, if you wish. :)

definitely inform him that you're willing to listen if he ever wants to talk. he's probably never heard it before.
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