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Hi everyone. I realise that most of what I've been doing here… 
7th-Mar-2006 09:34 am
bl00 hair
Hi everyone. I realise that most of what I've been doing here recently is posting links to other things rather than using this community for support. If people want me to stop posting stuff, please say, but I keep stumbling across things that I feel I have to share so you guys end up with them!

This is a link to an article written in someone's blog about perceptions of consent, which is a huge issue for me...

The continuum of rape and sex

...Women need to able to define what constitutes rape, and they don't need bruises or a broken hymen to know what rape is. Many women step up to the plate every day and say that they felt like they were raped, but they know they weren’t raped. This is a horrifying state for a woman to be in, she knows that society will blame her for the experience and laugh at her if she says that the man who “nagged” her into it really raped her. So she squashes it, she turns inward and begins to hate herself, she feels like every decision she makes is a bad one and that she can't be trusted to even make a decision about sex...

This is written by a self-proclaimed radical feminist so it may not be to everyone's taste, but I found it really helpful.
7th-Mar-2006 05:06 am (UTC)
she's a bit overly feminist for my taste. I stopped hating "men" and started just hating the ones who hurt me a while ago now. But then - I found the one guy who doesn't want to have sex with me :) (that sounds stupid but for so many years I wanted a partner who didn't want to f*ck me. And I got one - we have sex but if I flinch we stop. And that's that.)

But her view on it being rape even if it's only a little bit of rape was helpful. I especially like the analogy of the glass of piss and the drops of lemonade.
7th-Mar-2006 05:22 am (UTC)
Yes, BB is definitely a radical. I wouldn't call her anti-male as such as her boyfriend often contributes to the blog, but she does fall in the academic very passionate area of the feminist genre. I often disagree with her opinons & style, but her views are so different to those I grew up with that I find them very helpful to give me another perspective.

Beyond that, yeah, I liked that analogy too. I particularly liked the article because it didn't make out rape was a black & white issue - it put into words a lot of my own thoughts and feelings when I've been uncomfortable in the past during "consensual" sex.
7th-Mar-2006 06:37 am (UTC)
This is a community for support, education, and resources, it's all good.

And while she's a bit more feminist than my tastes, I certainly don't have a problem with this being posted here - you gave plenty of disclaimer :)
7th-Mar-2006 07:12 am (UTC)
For me, in my life, as my life has gone on, there is very little that is as true as this particular article.

It really is hard to have gone from "really" abusive relationships to a "only sorta" abusive relationship - you do start to wonder what planet you are from, and if this is really all that there is.

It really is very difficult to be able to contemplate all the things that "you could have done" to prevent something from happening when you find yourself having been "sorta pressured" into sex.

However, I have met men who would be HORRIFIED at the idea of a "red-gray" rape, and certainly would rather know they are welcomed with open arms, rather than arms held open through manipulation, economic or emotional or whatever. I am glad to see that she recognises that they exist as well.
7th-Mar-2006 08:08 am (UTC)
I always liked it when people posted links and/or articles. Information like that can explain things so much better than you can in your own mind and I think they help us understand our issues and what's happened to us better. Keep on sharing! I know I don't mind!
7th-Mar-2006 08:33 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
I just get a bit worried that I'm hogging space, and I'm also aware that I've been going pretty good recently so haven't posted me-stuff for a while :)
7th-Mar-2006 08:41 am (UTC)
*shrug* We can all scan over what we don't want to read. :p
7th-Mar-2006 11:48 am (UTC)
I too agree that your posts/links are helpful and theraputic for me - so keep it up! Thanks.
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7th-Mar-2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
You could go through her other entries, there might be something. I hope you find something.
7th-Mar-2006 02:36 pm (UTC)
I linked this post and the original article in my LJ. Thank you for posting this!
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7th-Mar-2006 04:20 pm (UTC)
Just keep in mind that the post and her blog are her opinion and nothing more. She's no authority on feminism.
Definitely. I don't believe anyone is an absolute authority on feminism, because feminism doesn't work like as a monolithic theory. Yet I do believe that all voices that acknowledge that women do not have equality while desiring this equality counts as a valid feminist voice.

BB is no absolute authority, yet I find her worth reading as a passionate & eloquent voice. I'm sure there are plenty of feminists who whould criticise what she says - that's how the theory works after all.
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