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My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other night. He told me I… 
6th-Mar-2006 10:01 pm
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My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other night.
He told me I treat him like my father because I so desperately need one in my life now that mine is gone. I tried to tell him it wasn't true, but then he brought up the times when I can't be touched or kissed or anything by him because it makes me feel dirty.
He told me the only reason I would feel like that is because I see him as my father.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I need to know I'm not alone..

I thought about calling my daddy the other day. It's sooooo hard loving him and hating him at the same time. I don't know what to do, what to think. BAH!
I miss the crap out of him and I never want to see him again.
I want him to be happy but I want him to suffer.

And it still bothers me that he knows he hurt me.
When my mom read her speech in court telling him of all the ways I am fucked up, I wanted to just crawl in a corner and die. I am supposed to appear strong in front of my daddy! I really hate that he knows how weak he made me.

I miss him. But I hate him.
I don't know anymore.
11th-Mar-2006 12:57 pm (UTC)
Sometimes my boyfriend will get reeeaaallllyyyy horny and try to make me.. do things with him when I don't necessarily want to, but he keeps pushing until I do anyway.
That is when I see my father in him more than anything.
It realllyyyy bothers me.

I've talked to him about it, and he still won't stop. He'll say, "oh, all you have to do is just tell me no," but it never works. If I don't do what he wants he'll tell me I'm a bitch and he "can tell I want it, I just won't give it to him."

And it is really good to know I'm not alone.

This community is great.

♥ for you.
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