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My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other night. He told me I… 
6th-Mar-2006 10:01 pm
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My boyfriend and I had a long talk the other night.
He told me I treat him like my father because I so desperately need one in my life now that mine is gone. I tried to tell him it wasn't true, but then he brought up the times when I can't be touched or kissed or anything by him because it makes me feel dirty.
He told me the only reason I would feel like that is because I see him as my father.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I need to know I'm not alone..

I thought about calling my daddy the other day. It's sooooo hard loving him and hating him at the same time. I don't know what to do, what to think. BAH!
I miss the crap out of him and I never want to see him again.
I want him to be happy but I want him to suffer.


And it still bothers me that he knows he hurt me.
When my mom read her speech in court telling him of all the ways I am fucked up, I wanted to just crawl in a corner and die. I am supposed to appear strong in front of my daddy! I really hate that he knows how weak he made me.
Ugh.

I miss him. But I hate him.
I don't know anymore.
Comments 
11th-Mar-2006 12:42 pm (UTC)
You have a good point. My daddy didn't really have too many good qualities, but I guess mostly it was that he loved me, like no one else did. My mom never gave a shit. My first long-term boyfriend cheated on me for half of our relationship, and I guess just having my dad's love and approval means so much to me that I just don't know what to do without it.


Thanks for the hugs and love.. sending them back at you!

♥ ♥
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