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rage against the machine 
19th-Mar-2004 12:48 pm
Maybe I am different than most people but what happened to me, even though I did get depressed and a little suicidal right after it happened, now it just fills me with rage! Instead of being scared I get so angry and I want hunt them down and hurt them. How do I get over that? How can I quit being obsessed with that?
19th-Mar-2004 01:34 pm (UTC)
Sometimes, it's your way of surviving and regaining control over the situation. If you can, find a way to turn the anger into something positive like volunteering or speaking to college students. Kickboxing or some other expression of physical activity can also help. *hug*
21st-Mar-2004 10:37 am (UTC)
hey, i was in martial arts when i was younger

i should get into that again, kick some stuff
19th-Mar-2004 01:41 pm (UTC)
I know sort of how you feel. I am normally not an angry person at all... when I have fights with people, or am betrayed, or anything like that, I get upset or frustrated... never mad.
But when I look at my cousin who sexually abused me, when I look at his life and his friends and his family, it makes me so angry that I want to spit or puke or kill him. It's really hard, too, because he's a part of my family and I have to see him every so often at family functions and stuff. And no one in my family knows except my sister.
I agree with the last poster--find some way to channel your (justified) rage. Find an outlet. Also, I think part of the reason that I get angry sometimes is because it's easier to be angry than to be hurt. Try writing. Try talking to yourself. Try talking to a friend. Maybe it will make you feel better, allow you to feel safe enough to let yourself be hurt.
*hugs* Hope this helped.
21st-Mar-2004 10:39 am (UTC)
talking to myself?

i can't let myself be hurt, maybe i need to do that
21st-Mar-2004 11:13 am (UTC)
Maybe indeed.
Healing is a long road.
Good luck.
19th-Mar-2004 02:50 pm (UTC) - rage
I agree, I've managed to channel a lot of mine and it's been pretty powerful.

I've also been treated for ptsd, and I found that through counseling and group therapy that a lot of the rage I couldn't channel productively (the kind that made me mean or kept me up at night) kind of lessened through that.
21st-Mar-2004 10:53 am (UTC) - Re: rage
well, i was drunk so people blamed me for it and i didn't really try to get counceling because my parents thought it was my fault for getting drunk and being at a big party and acting like a ho. they just said i should have been more careful and that i would have to live with the consequences. i got yelled at more than i got any sympathy. if i wasn't injured and assaulted i doubt that they would have even believed that it was rape. i missed school for three weeks because of it. i think they used rohypnol but i can't prove that either.

there was some assault and i was injured, so the police got involved and i had to file a report but i couldn't prove that it was rape because i didn't remember anything and i could not say for sure who was even involved. i passed out. they said that it was rape though because of obvious reasons. the nature of the assault. it's embarrassing but they cut off my hair. i think i know who did it but i can't prove it. right now, she goes to my college so i see her. i want to kill her or get her back somehow. nobody else hated me enough to do that and she was at the party with her friends. anyway, that's why.
21st-Mar-2004 02:03 am (UTC) - I know!
I know the feeling! I used to want to throw a brick through the guy's window or hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands.
For some reason though, I think these thoughts/feelings are healthy. Because, well duh, you deserve to be mad!
I guess you have to learn to channel it, to put that energy toward other things. Like helping those in a situation similar to yours or could be similar to yours. That anger can be turned against ALL predators of this nature, and turn into love and sympathy and support for girls in this situation. That's probably a much healthier way to go about it.
Good luck :)
21st-Mar-2004 10:35 am (UTC) - Re: I know!
yea, i need to get involved in something
21st-Mar-2004 03:45 pm (UTC) - Re: I know!
and, of course, talking about it! That really helps. All of us here, talking about it, it is supporting eachother, that in itself is a channel. You ARE helping others. And yourself.
21st-Mar-2004 09:54 pm (UTC) - Re: I know!
thanks. i'm glad i joined.
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