ilikesweaters28 (ilikesweaters28) wrote in _survivors_,
ilikesweaters28
ilikesweaters28
_survivors_

You want to know what I absolutely cannot STAND.

When you make an offhand remark about your abuser(s). For example "Hmmm I don't really like ______." And the person you're talking to is like "oh, well ___ isn't that bad. He/she is probably really nice, you should give them another chance" or something to that effect.

For example, Saturday night when I was at the movies. Date with some random guy because I just broke up with my boyfriend. Eventually the topic of my mother is going to come up, right? Right. Happens all the time. I never get into it or anything, but I say that I hate her. Which is true. So the guy is like "Awww, I'm sure she's a nice person. You'll probably get along with her when you're older."

Alright. So before I go off on a tanget, let me just say that I understand why people say things like that. Sure, they don't want to pass judgement on someone they don't know, like my mother, who acts all nice and sugary sweet for other people.

But I fucking CANNOT STAND IT when someone chalks up my feelins about my mother to my fucking AGE, of all things. Sure, I'm a teenager. And teenagers fight with their parents all the time. But I don't hate my mother because we fight over my curfew. She used to fucking hit me, lock me in my room, laugh at me when I cried, make my life HELL starting when I was seven years old, and forced me to grow up long before I was ready, and I get so fucking PISSED when people try to tell me that she's a good person!! You don't know fucking SHIT about our relationship so don't presume to tell me how I feel or how our relationship will be by the time I'm grown up! The past is NEVER going to change, and no matter how old I get, she'll still have taken part of me that I will never have again! People say shit like that and I just want to curse them out and scream "YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW ME" and run off. AJDLKAJDLKAJD.

Which brings up something else I was thinking about-- do y'all ever feel that until someone knows your "story" (as called in the community), then they'll never really know you? I dunno... I just feel like that all the time... I feel like no one really knows who I am because they don't know what happened to me. It's almost like...your best friend should know when your birthday is. It's just one of those things. So I kind of feel like I'm the one who no one knows well enough to know when her birthday is. Sorry, that probably didn't make sense.
Tags: abuse: child, abuse: emotional, abuse: physical, invalidation, parent/abuser with personality disorder
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