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New to the community, an introduction. 
2nd-Dec-2005 08:39 pm
Hi all. I recently stumbled upon this community and decided to join. I wasn't sure what to make my first post, and to be honest its slightly awkward, but with me everything is awkward. Under the cut is a bit about me and why I joined this community.

My name is Rebecca, or Becca. I'm 21 and the mother to a beautiful two year old. I have a great boyfriend whom I have the pleasure of sharing a residence with, and an amazing best friend whom I also live with. I work in retail and will be going back to school in January to finish off a degree in Human Services I started 3 years ago.

I joined this community because from the age of thirteen to three days before my fifteenth birthday I spent my weekdays after school being beaten, raped, and sodomized by a foster brother. I grew up in a foster home, and he was my foster mother's grandson. It wasn't just him though, sometimes if his friends paid him he'd let them have their way with me aswell. Most of those two years I blocked out, but recently I've developed horrible nightmares that are so realistic that I feel like I am going threw it all over again. It never ends. I've never been able to get into much detail about it, nor have I ever had anyone ask me about it. I've been to therapist and told them that I had been raped yet they never have asked questions. Usually the sessions are more geared towards my other mental health issues. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1, ptsd, dissociative identity disorder, and ed-nos. I struggle with self injury and have a hard time learning to trust people. Usually I am numb and have no feelings. I don't know if I would classify myself as being a survivor. I am alive but I don't feel like I have "survived". Wouldn't surviving mean being able to break away and move on?

2nd-Dec-2005 06:37 pm (UTC)
Welcome. I'm sorry about everything you've experienced and I'm glad you've found us.

I've also had conflicting opinions about the term "survivor". And once I said something, I found relief in knowing I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

*warm hugs of welcome to you*
2nd-Dec-2005 06:56 pm (UTC)
hey... welcome to the community... im sorry u had to go thru all that... if u ever want to talk, my contact info is in my userinfo thingie...
2nd-Dec-2005 08:09 pm (UTC)
:::big hugs:: Welcome to the group. Sounds like you've been through hell and back with your foster brother, I'm so sorry you went through that.

An insight into therapy: nothing can be done about the past and how to move on until you are, in the moment, aware and stable. That's why most therapy won't start delving into the tough stuff for a month or two - it also gives time for you to trust your therapist, and for them to learn your particular quirks :)

There will be many times when you won't feel much like you've "survivived", but I assure you, as someone who's been there, it can, will, and does get better. I'm glad that you have a happy homelife right now, it will make the healing process so much easier. Also, having a daughter to look to for hope (children always hold the most hope) will help on the days that seem dark and dreary.

We've got a wide variety of folks in this community, and all of them are chock full of love, support, and great advice. I know it'll sound cheesy as all hell, but we love you, unconditionally, for who you are. We're here for you whenever you want or need us, even if it's just to wish you some nice tea and a good stuffed animal :)

Welcome to the group, Rebecca, we all love ya!
2nd-Dec-2005 08:18 pm (UTC) - WELCOME!!!!!
welcome sweetheart! i am so glad that you've found us! feel free to talk about anything here! every single one of us are here to listen and (hopefully) help you in your healing journey. *lots of love and safe hugzzz*

2nd-Dec-2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
Welcome to our little paradise...glad you found us...you have come along way with the happy home life..."survivor" doesn't necessarily mean over...I tend to think of surviving as a daily thing...as in I survived today...I hope we can help you by listening, offering support and lots of healing hugs to you... if you want to talk, you can find me on my user info page... :)
4th-Dec-2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
Welcome. I'm new here too, and so far feel really comfortable with everyone here.
6th-Dec-2005 08:42 am (UTC)
Thank you all so much. It really helps to know I'm not the only one out there feeling like this. =) *hugs*

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