Hi all. I recently stumbled upon this community and decided to join. I wasn't sure what to make my first post, and to be honest its slightly awkward, but with me everything is awkward. Under the cut is a bit about me and why I joined this community.
My name is Rebecca, or Becca. I'm 21 and the mother to a beautiful two year old. I have a great boyfriend whom I have the pleasure of sharing a residence with, and an amazing best friend whom I also live with. I work in retail and will be going back to school in January to finish off a degree in Human Services I started 3 years ago.
I joined this community because from the age of thirteen to three days before my fifteenth birthday I spent my weekdays after school being beaten, raped, and sodomized by a foster brother. I grew up in a foster home, and he was my foster mother's grandson. It wasn't just him though, sometimes if his friends paid him he'd let them have their way with me aswell. Most of those two years I blocked out, but recently I've developed horrible nightmares that are so realistic that I feel like I am going threw it all over again. It never ends. I've never been able to get into much detail about it, nor have I ever had anyone ask me about it. I've been to therapist and told them that I had been raped yet they never have asked questions. Usually the sessions are more geared towards my other mental health issues. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1, ptsd, dissociative identity disorder, and ed-nos. I struggle with self injury and have a hard time learning to trust people. Usually I am numb and have no feelings. I don't know if I would classify myself as being a survivor. I am alive but I don't feel like I have "survived". Wouldn't surviving mean being able to break away and move on?