Thomasin O'Halloran (tamsin_) wrote in _survivors_,
Thomasin O'Halloran
tamsin_
_survivors_

Introductory Post. Hello, everyone.


Hi. I'm Thomasin, and I'm 16. I have MDD, Complex PTSD, mild NPD, ED-NOS, possible bipolar disorder, insomnia, and GAD. I meet with a psychiatrist once or twice a week and I take Prozac and Seroquel. My mother is bipolar and MBPS, my father is NPD and has some weird, random, almost sociopathic and ocd tendencies. I live with my mother. She's not intellectually very smart, but she's a master of doublethink. It messes with my head so much. She likes to trigger me because if I have mental problems, she gets sympathy. She did the same thing with my dad. She gets really crazy sometimes and it's NOT pretty. I tried living with my father but he kept making fun of my weight and the amount I was eating and so I developed body image problems and developed very strange eating habits at the encouragement of a practically anorexic friend x_x ...then I had a BMI of 21 and now it's down to 19.7...which is still normal, except I'm kinda on the muscular side so maybe I should have a bit more body fat...but I don't like how it looks and I get really insecure.

I have issues with my memory related to the PTSD because of abuse as a child (mostly severe emotional/psychological abuse, sometimes physical) and am unsure whether or not some things have really happened to me...I'm hoping NOT. Anyways, yeah. Lots of issues. I also go to a ridiculously strenuous prep school and I'm taking loads of difficult classes and I'm not doing so well...and everyone's always on my back about it. It's seriously a wonder I can function at all. I have many many issues with relationships and sex. But yeah, it'd take too long to go through all of it. I'm not sure about repressed memories and all, but I think something may have happened to me when I was 13 or 14 involving some sort of molestation or rape. I wasn't really "with it" at the time but I have a pretty clear memory of someone touching me inappropriately while I was fairly lucid, but asleep/high. I don't know, maybe it didn't happen. But I have never been able to reconcile sex and love...sex to me is a purely unemotional act, like brushing your teeth. The only time I have ever loved someone, it was platonically. And it didn't hurt at all when I lost my virginity. So all that kind of leads me to believe that maybe it was real. I don't know.

Over the summer my mother threw me down the stairs and I damaged one of my kidneys. Four days ago she tried to strangle me. But I can't very well leave. I'm only around for another year and a half. I've tried running away before, but I can't get out without getting caught. I can't leave.

Anyways, hello everyone. Thanks for reading.
Tags: abuse: physical, introductions, memories: repressed, parent/abuser with personality disorder
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 7 comments