AC/DC angel (geminipoohsf) wrote in _survivors_,
AC/DC angel
geminipoohsf
_survivors_

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My story...

My story begins when I was about 6 years old, my stepfather began molesting me, I did try to tell people, but they thought I was lying...I told my mother, who said that can't possibly be true...I lived through that, then my stepdad found another littler girl(this is who I think of everyday), if somebody had listened, her life wouldn't have been put into hell, just my life...my mom divorced him, and I thought, this is OK, I can deal with this...how very wrong I was...my mother went through a string of boyfriends, which she would leave me alone with all the time...I ended up feeling like a prostitute at 12...this continued for several years, making me completely terrified of the opposite sex...when I was 15, I was gang raped, around 17 I tried to kill myself, and landed in a in-home psychiatric facility in San Diego for about a week...only woman there for a few days...came out of there, and suddenly nobody wanted to live with me, they thought I was dangerous...I went to the homeless shelter and met a few nice women...one took me under her wing, and I was in love(I had never felt so safe), and that lasted for almost 5 years...she had affairs all the time(I thought I wasn't good in bed, so she could go get it elsewhere)and also was a binge alcoholic...one night she tried to stab me and thats when I learned that women can be just as vicious as men, if not more so, since you don't expect violence from a woman...I then landed in San Francisco and met another person, this person looked male, but was female, but wanted a sex change...again, I felt like this was all I could get, not that anything was wrong, I just didn't see anything until it was too late, this one was a alcoholic(vodka) and he smoked weed...almost daily...big thing was he met my mother(by now I called her Satans' bitch) and my mother told me that I was holding him back by not allowing him to buy his penis, like he wants...stop laughing, I am SERIOUS!! After a few years later, he walked to work one day and never came home...later that night a friend called to say there was a card under her door, I read the card and it basically said I was too depressing to be around...mind you he was stoned and drunk almost constantly after having a mild heart attack...I was working all the time to pay for things...after all was said and done, it was a good decision...it wasn't handled well, but nonetheless a good decision...until a few months later, I found a bunch of money order receipts and a card from my mother to him...and what I found out was he and I were planning to move to the Reno area in a few months when we had enough money saved...apparently my mother and he decided to move him by himself, and not take me...my mother was holding almost $1000 worth of money orders and had sent a card telling him goodluck...talk about the ultimate betrayal...I ever wrote Dear Abby about it...as it stands, him leaving was one of the best decisions ever made...although, sometimes it still bothers me...but anyway, that's my story...I write about this and I also write poetry in my own livejournal...I'm almost always available to talk or chat with others and help others deal with their problems...
Tags: abuse: incest, introductions, invalidation, substance/drug abuse
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