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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
I feel akward asking this question 
15th-Oct-2005 08:49 pm
Random: Romance Novelist at Work


I'm not really the survivor of any sort of rape, but when I was 12 an internet pedophile was after me, and I never reported it, or told my grandparents. To this day I regret it, because now I odntk now if he actually managed to lure some girl to him, and if I did it's all my fault, and thats someting I dont like to think about.

But I am hear asking questions for another reason. I am here because last semester I took a sex education class and a police officer who tracks child molestors came in to talk to us, and show us how he tracks these sickos and arrests them. So, I asked him about these morons who make communites and write stories about incest, pedo, rape, etc. I asked him why that wasnt illegal and he told me because it falls under free speech. Which I assume is true, because its no different then somebody say writing Fred and Geroge Weasley incest, or whatever.

But, my question is, arent these communites where these...I dont want to say morons...but its the kindest word I can think, but in these communites where people support incest and they write stories abut having sex with children, isnt this ammunition for pedophiles, or 'recovering' pedophiles to start up their habbits again? Or to act on the impluses the story is giving them?

I'm asking this because I used to have a long distance relationship with a boyfriend, and he was just an average normal guy...but he would read these stories. God, he'd tell me about them, like a dad having sex with his 12 year old daughter etc. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. He never acted on any of the storys he read, but doesnt reading him make him a pedophile as well?

This has always bothered me, and I've tried to forget all about it, but I cant. It makes me sick. I still like the guy, and I dont want to think of him as a pedophile...but...because he's read these stories, does it make him a pedophile, and if he hasn't acted on these stories yet, what can I do to help him, so he doesnt become one?

I'm sorry if this isnt the place to post this, and if it isnt, I do appolize. Any answers or advice you can give me, I'd be most grateful for.
Comments 
17th-Oct-2005 06:55 am (UTC)
Firstly - you don't need to feel guilty about not reporting the internet pedophile. Many times the law falls in their favor (it's very hard to prove guilt with that). A close friend reported such a predator to the police and it took a *year* of investigation to have enough evidence to arrest him.

And about your ex-boyfriend: Whlie his reading of pedophilia and incest stories is a MAJOR red flag, it doesn't necessarily mean he is a pedophile or likely to commit rape or incest. With pornography, there are many things that people like that are considered taboo: group sex, furries, public sex, bondage, etc - that lots of folks like to *read* about. But a majority of those people don't act on those impulses - having major orgies, sex with animals, sex on the sidewalk, etc.

As for what you could do to help him? The best answer is always to make sure he knows he can talk with you. Even if he was harboring pedophile tendencies, calling authorities to help him without knowing for *certain* could alienate him from society and possibly make him more likely to become a perpetrator.

Be an ear that can listen to him. Let him know you're concerned about him, and get him to talk - a lot - if you can. I'm an incest survivor, and known men with those tendencies, and I found that most often, talking with them and giving them a place to air out their dirty laundry helped them. Often, their desires get so suppressed that they eventually explode, assault someone, and their post-assault guilt makes them build back up into the cycle again. Being able to talk about a dark secret like that, especially when they get the reinforcement that they're not a horrible person for having desires that are not okay to act on, that they can more easily get help for their problems.

I applaud you for asking this community this question, and for wanting to offer your ex help. We need more people like you in the world :)
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