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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
I feel akward asking this question 
15th-Oct-2005 08:49 pm
Random: Romance Novelist at Work


I'm not really the survivor of any sort of rape, but when I was 12 an internet pedophile was after me, and I never reported it, or told my grandparents. To this day I regret it, because now I odntk now if he actually managed to lure some girl to him, and if I did it's all my fault, and thats someting I dont like to think about.

But I am hear asking questions for another reason. I am here because last semester I took a sex education class and a police officer who tracks child molestors came in to talk to us, and show us how he tracks these sickos and arrests them. So, I asked him about these morons who make communites and write stories about incest, pedo, rape, etc. I asked him why that wasnt illegal and he told me because it falls under free speech. Which I assume is true, because its no different then somebody say writing Fred and Geroge Weasley incest, or whatever.

But, my question is, arent these communites where these...I dont want to say morons...but its the kindest word I can think, but in these communites where people support incest and they write stories abut having sex with children, isnt this ammunition for pedophiles, or 'recovering' pedophiles to start up their habbits again? Or to act on the impluses the story is giving them?

I'm asking this because I used to have a long distance relationship with a boyfriend, and he was just an average normal guy...but he would read these stories. God, he'd tell me about them, like a dad having sex with his 12 year old daughter etc. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. He never acted on any of the storys he read, but doesnt reading him make him a pedophile as well?

This has always bothered me, and I've tried to forget all about it, but I cant. It makes me sick. I still like the guy, and I dont want to think of him as a pedophile...but...because he's read these stories, does it make him a pedophile, and if he hasn't acted on these stories yet, what can I do to help him, so he doesnt become one?

I'm sorry if this isnt the place to post this, and if it isnt, I do appolize. Any answers or advice you can give me, I'd be most grateful for.
Comments 
16th-Oct-2005 01:28 am (UTC)
Thank you. :hugs: I'm glad that you wont let your brother around your children when you have them. You know I look at children, babies, etc and cant imagine why anyone would want to hurt them, much less somebody in their family! :shakes head: My worse fear is that I'll marry somebody like that but wont find out until its to late, it makes me weary about relationships in general, or bringing a child in a dangerous cruel world
16th-Oct-2005 01:35 am (UTC)
i know what you mean. my abuse/rapes started at five. but it wasnt family, it was my babysitter, a leader at my church. So its horrible, babys arent safe at church, school, with family members, even with thier own siblings. But i try not to be so pessimistic. just because i was part of the horrible statistics doesnt mean my babys will too. maybe i had enough abuse for all of them. And as for dating, freaked me out too. i did end up dating several horrible horrible men. the least horrible of them was a convicted child molester when he was 12ish. He was in jail for 6+ years. OF course i didnt know this until after we had hooked up. gah. that ruined me completely, cause he was so nice i couldnt understand it. Could guys like that really change? so after lots of turmoil and me feeling like i was being judgemental/shallow, i dumped him and met husband immediately. it was amazing luck. anyways. hope i didnt scare you. I met and dated some amazing guys too. Its all about listening to those red flags. womens intuition truly is amazing.
16th-Oct-2005 01:39 am (UTC)
convicted child molester when he was 12ish

excuse me while I say this...WHAT THE FUCK?! How the hell can a kid be so fucked up that he's a child molestor at 12...you know I dont even want to THINK what he was doing or the age he was doing that to...

I've heard of something worse in my family's circle, but you know...this is supposed to be a place of healing...so Im not even going to say it. I might not come to the community anymore, because I found out the information I wanted...and since Im not techincally a 'survivor' I feel as I am taking people's space (plus reading stuff like this might push me into a full blown anxiety attack) ugh...thats just...at 12...:shakes head:
16th-Oct-2005 01:47 am (UTC)
thens when my brother started with me. so i guess i can kindof "understand"it. he did it to kids just a year or two younger. same as my brother. which is one of the reasons i stopped dating the kid. I cant be comparing the guys i date to my brother. even if they may be 'healed'/over it. its still wierd.
Im sorry. ill be less graphic.
oh. and dont listen to what others deem nesscary to call you a survivor. Ive noticed in this comm and others like it, that lots of people get kinda "high and mighty" saying they were abused worse, etc. NO. We need to be supportive. everyone can be a survivor. i hate the labeling game.
16th-Oct-2005 01:50 am (UTC)
:hugs: ^_^ thank you. Maybe I'll stay, if my advice can help one person then I feel I am doing good in the world
16th-Oct-2005 01:54 am (UTC)
thats why i stay. i dont really make posts, but i comment alot and hope that helps someone else:)
im sorry if i made it worse. i should really keep things mum better.
16th-Oct-2005 01:55 am (UTC)
No. you didnt make it worse at all hon <3
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