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i went to a therapy session on Tuesday. and i didn't talk about the… 
6th-Oct-2005 09:12 am
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i went to a therapy session on Tuesday.
and i didn't talk about the rape the majority of the time i was there.

i talked about, shell fishing, the cape, school, friends, alcohol and other stuff.

i would honestly say, without feeling pressured, that
my view of my rape scene, as a whole... in that single situation and experience
on a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being neutral and ten being very disturbing...
i am currently between a 0 and 1.

im getting there.... im almost there...
i think how i will ultimately feel about the rape is dependant upon a couple of factors:
1. how far i will be able to distance myself from it.
2. like a snake shedding its skin, will i be able to let that part of me go? ( a really good metaphor i think)
3. how i will act around the drug of choice involved in the rape (alcohol) and how i will learn to control it and myself.
4. boundaries i will set for myself with friends and men and family.
5. my ability to understand that what happend to me was not my fault. but also, to be able to recognize the ways in which i have changed and grown since then to make sure im vigilant in being INTELLIGENT and RESPONSIBLE for alcohol and decide to TAKE CARE of myself.


so there is hope out there!
*many hugs*
stay true
-nicole
i
Comments 
7th-Oct-2005 11:07 am (UTC)
There is always hope, always.

You may never lose the emotional connection to it, it might always be just under 1. Try to remember that though you will want to move past it, it's not wrong to still feel hatred, anger, fear, or betrayal. They might not be welcome feelings, but they're valid - so don't feel bad if they never go away. I'm 19 years out from some of my first really horrid sexual trauma and I still get that nasty twinge in my gut.

::big hugs:: I'm glad to hear you've done what you can to help keep yourself safe in the future - taking away some of our more vulnerable spots can help lower your risks again in the future :)
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