Martin (martinanonymous) wrote in _survivors_,

Possibly off-topic – posting this here because I’ve read posts here about how these types of comments really hurt people…

I went to a young men's conference last spring. It was a pretty kewl experience, and the speakers there made sure to talk about what being a "man" means without demeaning people of other genders. However, my counselor wasn't that kewl. He was one of the chaperons and made some nasty comments while getting everyone together - stuff along the lines of we're men, not women, here and can thus behave, be quiet, etc. Equating man with good because it does not equal woman. I realize that this is pretty common for guys to say, esp. when girls aren't around. That doesn't make it less sickening, esp. since he's supposed to be a role model. After brooding over this for a few months (I did NOT feel comfortable speaking out, esp. since I'm FTM and a lot of the people there didn't even know that), I've decided that I should write him a letter explaining why his comments were inappropriate. The thing is, I still don't really know how to go about it. I know that it’s insulting to men to have their whole identity be not women”, that it feeds into violence against women/rape/homophobia, and that any closeted MTFs would be really hurt. But how do I make that clear? Esp. the stuff about how this sets up a culture of violence – how do I frame that argument, are there any numbers I could cite, anything?
Tags: gender-related fear/anger, seeking opinions
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