Laura (martialarts4lyf) wrote in _survivors_,
Laura
martialarts4lyf
_survivors_

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Update from last night

First off, the five hours of sleep I got weren't sleep. I was reliving my day, that part of it, over and over and over. It didn't feel like I was sleeping...it felt like I was there over and over. I was tossing and turning a lot in my sleep...I even woke up kinda on all fours at one point. :( Yeah...

The first person I called was very uncomfortable talking to me, I could tell. She said there was nothing they could do, so they gave me another number. I called that number and this lady answered and I explained the situation...total silence. I was like "hello? are you there?" She said in a kinda discusted voice"yeah, I am, but there is nothing here for "that" sort of thing." I told her the place I had called before had given me this number, and...she cut me off and said "they may have given you this number, but there is nothing here for "that sort of thing". After that, I layed down on my bed, in a fetal position and just silently cried. I felt so helpless and ashamed...and scared and alone.

After that...I had things to do. It's too late to take the morning after pill though. I don't know what I'm going to do really. Tomorrow I'm going to buy a pregnacy test kit. Then Monday I'm going to call the doctor's again and find out about STD testing. I may talk to the guy too...find out some things...about STD's and yeah. I REALLY don't want to see him again though. Uhg...it still feels like a part of me died yesterday. A couple of my scrapes did actually scar over...I wish the were gone and I'm glad I didn't really slice myself because I don't want scars reading "whore" on my stomach. I have no idea what is going to happen next. I'm just trying to deal and be strong, and make sure I'm taken care of...I feel like I'm kinda lost though
Tags: hotline, telling others
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