June 7th, 2007

My "he's just not that into you"

It astonishes me to think that someone who's read the book 13 times, and who is nicknamed "Miss Dr. Phil" can be so blind and so ignorant in her own life to the point that she is the one in need of Dr. Phil.

None the less, I have decided to re-read "It's called a break up because it's broken" again. Maybe it will help encourage me, and remind me that letting him go is the best thing for the both of us.

On another topic...I followed through with one thing on my list. I wrote a follow up letter to my school since they didn't respond to the first one. I hand delivered it this morning and ended up meeting with the dean who is going to call me by the end of the day. Despite everyone telling me it wasn't going to help, I think it did. She got to see that I really do just want to be in school. She said if she can help then the most she can refund me is 30% but that if I can't afford the rest then she will work with me to get into some form of a payment plan. Baby step number one, accomplished. That's all for today.

(no subject)

First and foremost, thank you to everyone who took the time to comment my last entry about needing support and a last conversation. Everyone's words were the support and comfort I needed and I thank you all.

Here is the story...
Me and Deric met two years ago when he was stationed at ft. lewis for the military. We dated for a year before he was sent off to germany. The plan had been to come home, get married and we'd work things out from there...Up until his deployment, he had been my best friend. We nearly lived together, spent every day with eachother, and all his friends knew who I was before I ever met them...But when he deployed, things changed. At one point I got ignored only to find out that he had found a girlfriend in germany. And secondly to later find out he had slept with a total of 18 girls while in Germany...Trust me, I know. So for the past year we have been extremely rocky...I have no trust (OBVIOUSLY!) in him, but he has put fourth a good effort to try and gain it back. He calls every day, and I talk to his family which now-a-days reassures me i'm the only girl he talks about. But...then he came home, only he stopped in texas first which is where his family lives before coming home to our apt. After about a week it suddenly became obvious that he had re-made a life for himself there and really wasn't planning on coming home, just hadn't decided to tell me yet...Last but not least, I DEMANDED that he get tested before coming home to me. I suppose I wasn't worth it because he refused. And...that's the story.
I'm sure now you all have a much better understanding of "us" and will never again wonder why I KNOW I did the right thing :)
Thanks again everyone !!!!! :)

Guilt

guilt.  it stinks. bad

but i guess im not as emotionless as i thought i was cause its been eating at me and so now i have to do something about it

I've made it out to be like im 12 years old. 

im not. im a 15 year old girl who has a speech impediment that has led the powers that be to believe that she has the mental capacity of a 12 year old.

I guess, coming here, I felt like i wasnt good enough to say that i was 15, because everyone around me treats me like im 12 because im small and slight and not developed for my age and retarded, apparently.

no, they dont say that. not to my face, anyways...most times....

I'm very sorry to everyone i led awry and i will understand completely if anyone wants to de friend me because of this.  i should have said it earlier but i didnt think that...well...that i deserved to be called 15...

anyways. everythinng else is the truth. art, matt, steve,roxie, alex......

<3 to everyone who's listened so far and *hugs* im sorry if i hurt anyone
-kat