March 14th, 2007

Thoughts equal reality?

The other thing I've been thinking about has to do with reality. I've always had a feeling my father sexual abused me. But those thoughts were silenced by the other abuser.  But I wonder if I'm creating my own reality.  If my thoughts equal my reality....and I keep saying...."I think my father abused me.....I feel something bad happened when I was younger"......am I creating that?  I know it's a bit silly to ask. Perhaps it's because I don't remember my past I question. Because I've never been told for sure. All I know is how my body responds in certain situations and the messages my body gives. That flashes that I've had.  I really don't believe I'm making any of this up. I'm learning to trust myself and my body. If I get flahes of images and I respond to them I know they are real....even if I"m not validated on it. But that's the thing.....I'm not validated......

What happens when you don't remember you past at all? What about "fake memories"?

I guess I question too cause part of me wonders if I should just forget it all. Just move forward with my life. But I tried that already. I did that from 20-24. Probally as a kid too...as a way to survive.  It doesn't work. It just covers it  up. One is still affected by it even if you never ackowledge it. 

just something I was pondering