February 20th, 2007

(no subject)

i posted this entry in borderline earlier, but i thought some of you might be able to relate to these feelings as well.

this terrible kind of fear, an excitement that is without hope, that awaits only the news of some further grief, failure or humiliation and torture. a lassitude that enters the soul and makes you hope for better things and better work tomorrow, but hope without belief and conviction.

and the anger may be sparked by a particular offense, but underneath the spark lies an arsenal of fear from the threat of disappointment and abandonment.

boredom seems to swell like a balloon inside my head; it becomes a pressure inside the skull; sometimes i fear this balloon will burst and i will lose my reason. particularly when i'm alone, i lose the sensation of existing, of feeling real. marilyn monroe said that without people around her, she would fall into a void, "endless and terrifying".

for most people, solitude is longed for, an opportunity to reflect on memories and matters important to their well-being. but with a weak sense of self, you look back at only vacant reflections.

it's a staircase going neither up or down, we don't move, today is today, always is today.
Let your voice be heard

Weekly Thought Stirring: Telling Your Story (public)

Something we see a lot of in this community is people telling their story. We all know how important it is to talk about, as it can help us to heal those wounds, but we also all know just how hard it can be to talk about something so personal and so painful.

Many of us start small - telling a couple people we trust, to test the waters about how we feel after telling, and about how our story is received. Sadly, many of us aren't believed when we tell our story, but thankfully, in places like this, we can find acceptance.

Another thing that is common in telling our story is the "floodgate analogy" - once you start telling the story, however painful, there can reach a point where you just want to keep talking about it, to get it all out before you stop talking. It can be disconcerting to go from not wanting to talk about it at all, to feeling like you need to get it all out at once - but just remember that it's all part of the process.

This week's questions are:
- Have you told your story before?
- How did it feel to tell your story?
- Who did you tell? How did they react?

- For those who haven't told their story, would you offer them any advice on how to do so?