July 12th, 2006

Bear

Weekly thought stirring: Self-compassion

(Just realized I didn't post this last night, sorry!)

Survivors on the whole, are pretty compassionate people. We've been through some pretty horrible things, and for many of us, that means that we feel empathy or compassion towards anyone else who's going through a hard time. In this community especially, we're able to feel compassion for others, regardless of what it is they're going through. Many of us also feel that compassion towards animals, offering a similar type of protection and support to our four-legged friends.

However, something that a large amount of survivors struggle with is compassion for themselves. Whether it comes from our abusers, who told us we were horrible people, or whether it comes from feeling like a burden or from depression - many of us have a hard time remembering to be gentle and supportive with ourselves. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to see our own worth. Who we are sometimes feels so buried underneath our confusion and pain, that we can't see how we treat ourselves as opposed to others in our lives.

Many of us have or have had a different set of rules for everyone else than we have for ourselves - feeling that our own actions are less forgivable than someone else's. Those feelings, while they can help us in some regards, often hinder us just as much. We do not allow ourselves to make mistakes, though we are able to have a healthy view of other people and their mistakes. It's always harder to have perspective on a situation when you're involved in it, so that's what this week's questions are all about - self compassion and how to remember to let ourselves have some

This week's questions:
- In what ways are you not giving yourself the same compassion as others?
- In what ways do you give yourself the same compassion as others?

Bonus:
- What ways can you remind yourself to treat you with the same compassion as others?

I know this is a tough one this week, but don't be afraid to talk it out :)

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I have an author that I would like to share with all of you. Pema Chodron. She is a Buddhist nun that writes eloquent and inspiring books that really relate useful coping tactics of Buddhism to Westerners. No matter what religion you are, Buddhism has great ideas of compassion and healing. This ties in with a previous post about developing compassion for ourselves. She writes in a way that is not preachy, but is open and honest and kind. Its as if she is holding you while you read it. I was once in a place where my emotions were uncontrollable, ruled by fear. Since finding these writings, meditation and the help of wonderful friends, I have gotten much better.

Someone recommended me to a therapist they thought I would mesh well with. When this therapist mentioned Pema Chodron on the first session I knew I had found a good match!

Here is a web site about her at her publisher.

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/

Here the books of hers that I have found most useful. I think I'm at a place in my life to reread "The Places That Scare You"!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570623449/sr=8-2/qid=1152723887/ref=pd_bbs_2/104-4593576-1913556?ie=UTF8

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570629218/sr=8-4/qid=1152723887/ref=pd_bbs_4/104-4593576-1913556?ie=UTF8

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570628394/sr=8-7/qid=1152723887/ref=pd_bbs_7/104-4593576-1913556?ie=UTF8

Worse

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Today’s Horoscope: Capricorn
”Things could be worse
Don’t take everything so seriously!”


Up-to-the-Minute News, World/US Census Report:

171,420 rapes reported to authorities each year:

=

469 raped each day
19 each hour
1 every 3.5 minutes.

Only 16% of all rapes reported to authorities:

=

12 million in a 20 year period.
12 million = 20% of the U.S population.

29% of all rapes occur under 11 years old.
32% of all rapes occur between 11 & 17 years old.

12 million,
61% under the age of 17

171,420:
11 times the amount of people killed in the Vietnam War.
34 times the amount of people killed by AIDS each year.

& yet,
each has a face,
a name,
a family,
a favourite book,
a certain way of smiling.

Every 3.5 minutes

But then again;
Things could be worse.
  • dinyel

blogging for RAINN

hi everyone... i'm new here. i was raped on june 19th (will never forget that date now). as part of my healing, i've decided to participate in the 2006 blogathon for charity. you know, my way of giving back for the support i've received. my charity of choice is rainn (rape, abuse & incest national network).

i'm asking if you have a few dollars to spare, would you please sponsor me and support this cause? i see no money -- it will go through justgive.org and directly to rainn.

even if you can't sponsor, feel free to visit me (dinyel) on july 29th (blogathon day) and keep me company while i stay up and blog for 24 hours straight. =)

thanks for your support -- monetary or moral!