_Survivors_

Hello again all!

I just received some *great* inspiration from one of you (just not putting the name in case she wants to remain anonymous, please feel free to identify yourself!) to do a third piece focused on what our abusers said to us later to try to justify their actions/defend themselves.

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I want to thank everyone for being welcoming and supportive, especially to someone coming from a different place as the partner of a survivor. I've enjoyed entering this community. I joined one other community with less promising results. I got only one comment and it was someone telling me to end the relationship. People like to give up when things get too hard. Though I do ask if she can make the progress she needs to make while being romantically involved with anyone. But I think that as supportive as we are and that she moved to a strange place for me (She moved with me a year ago so I could go to grad school), I think her recovery would be better with my full support as a partner trying to respect boundaries.

We live with a great deal of hope, all of us here have to I'd imagine. Hope keeps the heart beating. My girlfriend and I had a few days off together and she was so sweet to me on my birthday. It reminds me of the connection we do still have. We talked of what the future could be and that refreshes my hope.

Some days I dont handle it so well. Some days I am very depressed. These days its good though. I suprised myself by getting a bit drunk and not breaking down on her. Sometimes alcohol will bring up feelings I can't control. Usually the fear and sadness. Then I'll cry and she will shut down. But this time I was okay, and she talked, I didn't. It's so refreshing when she talks about her head because she's usually so stoic about it. I really hope she goes through with therapy in the fall.

Anyway, thanks again. And I'd like to be here for everyone here in anyw ay that I can.

I have Allies in Healing, which I will start reading. I've read Ghosts in the BEdroom, which was great, very compassionate and well written. I'd recommend it to any of your partners dealing with the same thing.

 answers to this week's questions...

What independence did you lose after surviving abuse?

I can't drive a car, I can't find a job because I'm afraid of how people will percieve me. Mainly "wierd". I only feel comfortable around other survivors and that is so sad. I want to be independant but I don't know how to be because I have so much to fear.

What pieces of independence have you already regained?

I can now conduct buisness over the phone which is a huge step for me as far as figuring out some of the bills around the house.

What sort of independence are you working towards now?

I'd like to finally be able to drive a car, get a job, have a career that means something. I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me but I'd like to take care of him too. One of my biggest dreams is buying a fishing boat for my husband. But because he always takes care of me but it seems that I'll never be able to make that dream come true for him. That is what I'd really like to do. Buy something special for my husband as a thank you for all of the years he gave back to my life through his understanding and support.

For so many survivors, some of the most difficult parts of recovery is regaining your independent. Whether you've had one or many experiences with trauma, there is so much we need to do to become independent. We need to leave our abusers or find a safe place to live, we need to understand the process of therapy, processing memories and feelings, and re-learn how to exist in the world. Whether it's finding your financial independence or your emotional independence, many of us struggle at times to feel as though we can be in control over our own lives again.

For many of us, we make several journeys to independence. Starting small, piece by piece, we can reclaim our lives, our happiness, and our self-confidence. Though it may take time, and a lot of work, we take each step towards the small independence pieces so that we can feel whole and able to care for ourselves.

So this week's question is:
- What independence did you lose after surviving abuse?
- What pieces of independence have you already regained?

and this week's bonus question:
- What sort of independence are you working towards now?

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