June 27th, 2006

(no subject)

I don't know who else to bring this to, so I'm coming to you. I know it isn't abuse, per say, but it hurts.

I think I'm going to get fired.

I've missed a lot of days because of panic attacks, and had to leave work early once. He used to put me on the schedule almost every day, then only on weekends, and now not at all. I called my work to find out my schedule and the girl said I wasn't on it...at all. Then my supervisor calls and says my boss will be phoning me tomorrow to "discuss" the schedule.

Dear God, I think I've been fired. This would be the third job from which I will have been fired--and I've only had six!

I'm worried that if it turns out that I was fired, I might try to kill myself. I really need you guys here for me. Please.

hi again

the past few days have been especially tough since i got a phone call from that fucking asshole mark (my so-called brother). i've been having nightmares and flashbacks majorly. i am afraid to go to sleep now. it hasn't been this bad in years. i don't know what to do. i'm going insane. i've been journaling and such, but its not helping. does anyone have any tips or ideas of how to deal with this? it would be much appreciated

Thought stirring of the week: Milestones

After surviving abuse, there are many things which can trigger us back to our trauma. Whether it's a reminder of our abuse, our abuser, or more general hypervigilance, it can be very difficult to face an emotional upheaval.

However, something that almost flies in the face of our logic is that milestones - especially happy milestones can cause a huge emotional upheaval. Major moments in our lives: graduating, moving, getting married, having children, buying a car, etc. can shake us up worse than a trigger. Milestones for all people usually indicate that it's time to look back over our life and see how we got to this important time in our lives. Though it's mostly on a subconscious level, our brain *definitely* makes us re-process our abuse with each milestone.

Often, having our trauma resurface at such a happy time can be even more frustrating - feeling like our happiness was taken away from us. So this week we'll be talking about happy milestones in our lives, and how we coped with the emotional upheaval it caused.

This week's questions:
- At which happy milestones have you felt an emotional upheaval?
- How did you cope with that upheaval? What worked best for you to be able to get through that time?

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I don't know if anyone else in the community reads PostSecret. (The concept of PostSecret is that people mail anonymous postcards with secrets written on them to the maintainer of the site. He selects some and posts new ones each week, usually on Sundays.)

There were two postcards this week that really hit me hard.

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