I've finally gotten to the point where I'm willing to put in effort again to try to reconnect to my family. Part of this is by explaining some of my actions by telling them what has happened in my life in the last 2 years and this would, of course, include my rape.
The man who raped me also happens to be friends with my family. In fact, they love him. He has more contact with them than I do right now and over the last year and a half. I want to tell my family what happened to me, and I could very much use their support, but I don't know if I should tell them who did this to me.
I loathe that this guy is around my younger sister, and that my family thinks the world of him. My family isn't necessarily the type to pry, and they very well may not ask me for any specifics about my rape if I divulge what happened. So the subject of my rapists identity may not come up.
However, I also feel that if I don't explain the situation and what happened they won't believe me when I tell them, and if I explain what happened, they will know who it was.
Please share your thoughts. I was getting ready to tell my family about a year ago but then I was disowned for some of the decisions I made with my life (my judgement largely affected by the trauma of my rape) and I think it's time I explain what happened. I would very much appreciate if you have similar suggestions on how you told the people you care about what happened, or even just your thoughts on it. The only people I've ever told were a few very close friends, and my family is just much more judgemental, has the opinion of me that I'm a liar, and is in love with the man who raped me (they thought I should marry him). So you may imagine this can be a bit of a sensitive spot.
Thank you guys. I appreciate you being there for me.
i hate my psychotic episodes.
they mean that genuine, happy, beautiful times in my life can be taken away from me by my own brain chemicals at any time. everything that is good and lovely and wholesome and real can be wiped out by my brain chemistry.
suddenly everything is scary, and HAPPENING to me, and chasing me and people don't really like me and there are plots against me and my life will have to end soon.
and time and time again, when the psychosis is over, i can see and recognise what it was for what it was, and get back into the happy life i'm trying to build for myself.
but the next time it happens, it's SO REAL, and no amount of telling myself that it is 'just another episode' will help. it's always real, and life altering and scary and i think i'll never be able to live if these plots are real.
so i alter MY behaviour the whole time, trying to be under the radar because i think everyone's out to get me, when the whole time no one is out to get me, they are jus wondering why i'm behaving like such a freak.
i'm operating on knowledge that i assume everyone has. but it's not knowledge at all, it's psychotic thinking.
i'm ruining my own life!