Hello I'm new. I can't yet talk about "it", so I'll just ask my question:
Ok. I'm finding that I am begining to overeat now. I like junk food and fast food...but usually I am in control of it and never question it. Before, at work, it was never and issue. I would snack and what not during the day, but ever since I had the dreams speculating around "it", my eating has been ridiculous. It's gotten to the point where I can tell why I'm eating. It's all emmotional. This is my first time in a long time thinking about all of "this". I feel so guilty but I do it anyway.(the eating that is) I wait for my co-worker to leave, or others, so I can pick up another snack to eat. Shame. So I guess what I'm asking is, how do you channel the emmotions in a positive fashion? If eating and emmotions was/is and issue for you, how do you change the habit? I'm reminding myself of my grandmother who was abused and never delt with it, and now eats and sleeps...and eats and sleep...almost diabetic. I don't want to be like that!!! I believe that 12step programs can work....but I have a big issue with the whole "God" thing.....just to let you know.....
Ok, I was sexually assaulted for six months. I've been assaulted by various other men on different occasions. All of my assault didn't include sex, they were everything else (except for oral sex). The first time I had sex I was triggered and I was too scared to tell the guy to stop. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. I've gone through various type of verbal abuse. The six month assault was almost seven years ago, and I haven't had anything happen to me for almost a year.
I'm with people who want to help me and who I can trust. I have tourble trusted, I get panic attacks, I have separation anxiety, I get triggered, a lot of sexual things are hard, I can't talk about my feelings easily because I'm used to be yelled at (that's what happened in the last, not in the current time), I have urges to cut and I gave in last month, and very, very low self-esteme and opinion of myself.
Based upon what I've been through, is all of the listed above normal, or am I just weak and I don't know how to cope. I don't feel like I have the right to be as upset as I am because I really was lucky compared to what others have been though. I just need to know, am I normal? Or am I weak? I'm having trouble talking to people around me because I'm a lill self-consious about it. Someone help me out, please. =(
Btw, some of you might remember me. I've been gone for a while. But yeah, I definitely need some support. I feel like I'm going to cut again soon and I don't want to. =(