dear gods, above, below, and on this earth: please, I beg of you... help me. I am falling, falling... falling again... welcome to the rabbit hole, little one, enjoy your stay. Things don't make sense any more... colors are different, sounds are funny. Hospital feels like it's looming over my head. I don't even care any more.
Sean has orders not to let me near my percocet until we go to Planned Parenthood for my IUD insertion later. I want them so much, even though I know I don't have enough to do me in.
my thumbtacks are tempting me. I want to cut myself, see myself bleed, see it running down my arms.
Sir is ordering me not to even think about it, and CERTAINLY not to do it. I am trying. it's so hard when it's pretty much all you can think about. It's good to have that support system though.
Grandma is in the hospital. Got some rough news about my family and past yesterday when I saw her.
I just... pain. so much pain.
I think my condition is getting worse. I had to drive in the rain yesterday, and turned into a gibbering WRECK. That's happened before, but not to that extent. It's scaring me.
Help... help me...
