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dear gods, above, below, and on this earth: please, I beg of you...… 
20th-Jun-2009 07:13 am
Lesbian kisses

dear gods, above, below, and on this earth: please, I beg of you... help me. I am falling, falling... falling again... welcome to the rabbit hole, little one, enjoy your stay. Things don't make sense any more... colors are different, sounds are funny. Hospital feels like it's looming over my head. I don't even care any more.

Sean has orders not to let me near my percocet until we go to Planned Parenthood for my IUD insertion later. I want them so much, even though I know I don't have enough to do me in.

my thumbtacks are tempting me. I want to cut myself, see myself bleed, see it running down my arms.

Sir is ordering me not to even think about it, and CERTAINLY not to do it. I am trying. it's so hard when it's pretty much all you can think about. It's good to have that support system though.

Grandma is in the hospital. Got some rough news about my family and past yesterday when I saw her.

I just... pain. so much pain.

I think my condition is getting worse. I had to drive in the rain yesterday, and turned into a gibbering WRECK. That's happened before, but not to that extent. It's scaring me.

Help... help me...
20th-Jun-2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you have the support system too. It's times like these that that really matters and helps a lot.

Take care of yourself and try to set aside an hour or something for yourself if you can. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much stress right now. I know it's really hard.

* safe hugs *
21st-Jun-2009 02:25 pm (UTC)
*safe hugs* When I feel like that, I just try to take it minute by minute or hour by hour to get through the day. I hope you're feeling a little better today. Maybe watch a funny movie? It could help jolt your brain out of its current thought process.
22nd-Jun-2009 03:09 am (UTC)
::big safe hugs:: Take each moment as it comes - sometimes it's easier to handle a little bit at a time.

Take it easy on yourself - surround yourself with things you like, comforting scents, sounds, and things which feel gentle. Give your mind and emotions a rest for a few days, and give yourself a chance to catch up.

And remember - just like with video games, you know you're doing the right thing when you find more monsters. All this upsurgence of symptoms means you've hit a new layer in your processing - and the only way to do so is to have found stability through patience and persistence. It will get better, and you've proven yourself strong and willing enough to get through. You can do this!
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