. (pinklittlepills) wrote in _survivors_,
.
pinklittlepills
_survivors_



It's hard for me to think of healthy relationships in my life. I was looking at the symptoms of co-dependency and a lot of them are VERY applicable to how I handle relationships. I always want to help or control, and I want to be with the person I'm in love with pretty much all the time. I tend to see myself as the strong one.
How can I set goals for a healthy relationship? I feel like i need a model or some kind of goal because it's hard for me to think of examples of healthy relationships in my own history.

Specifically, I've met a really kind, intelligent guy, but I can see this relationship heading down a terrible path. This guy gets depressed really easily. He cries a lot. It really sets off my own problems, but I feel a need to pretend to be strong. I pay for things because he's partially blind and can't get a job (since he can't drive and can only do certain work). We're in law school together, so I'm sure he will get a good job eventually, just not for the summer. I'm doing an internship and a job right now, but I want to spend all my free time with him even though I should be working more. I love his sense of humor and he's brilliant, practically a genius in my opinion. But there are problems-- he gets really upset when I feel afraid of intimacy. I can't tell him about anything that's happened to me because I always want to appear strong. I've told myself that what has happened is okay also, even if it hurt at the time, it doesn't hurt now. I know that he's getting incredibly frustrated and takes it personally that I'm afraid to be physically close to him. He thinks i'm not attracted to him.

He is like a different person when he gets depressed. Should I encourage him to seek help? Should I seek help? I'm really at a loss with this. I don't see it going anywhere really. Maybe I should just relax and see him less, because I fret too much when he's down. The weird thing is, we have a LOT in common, but sometimes I wonder if it's the wrong things.
Tags: boundaries, codependency, seeking opinions
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