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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
sorry but, another post. 
15th-Apr-2009 10:21 pm
 This post isn't about me, but, I need help with my boyfriend who was also sexaully abused.

Today My boyfriend told me his Dad molested him on Easter.
He said he pulled him into the hallway and pinned him against the wall...
And then he started touching him and feeling him.
My boyfriend said his Dad probably would have raped him if the house wasn't so full of people.
for a while his Dad has been doing this stuff to him since he was 14.
He's 19 now.
He did get away from his Dad and he is living with his sister.
But, I'm scared he'll go back home and he'll get hurt again.
And it just made me so angry when I found out his Dad molested him on Easter.
God I could just kill him.
What should I do to help my boyfriend?
I'm so worried about him.
Comments 
16th-Apr-2009 03:59 am (UTC)
I think the best thing you can do for him is listen, and let him know you're there for him.
16th-Apr-2009 04:24 am (UTC)
I think often the best question one can ask is, "What can I do?"
16th-Apr-2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
yeah, I did ask him that question.
16th-Apr-2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I'm gonna try to do that.
16th-Apr-2009 04:41 am (UTC)
The best thing you can do for ANY survivor is to be there for them and listen. Survivors have the best chance of recovery, and getting safe distance from their abusers, when they know they are loved, supported, and heard. It's really the best thing anyone can do, and everything else comes second. He needs support first and foremost.
16th-Apr-2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
yeah, I'm going to do that. Thank you.
16th-Apr-2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
I would encourage him to sever his relationship with anyone who abuses him, and to get counseling to help cope both with the abuse and the difficulties of separating from someone who is close to him, which is hard even when they've hurt you. But you can't really do much but suggest it and be supportive, like everyone else said.

It's easier said than done, but if he wanted to hold his abuser legally accountable, the sooner it happens the better. I waited almost ten years to talk about a teacher who hurt me, and while I can't blame myself for having been scared when I was younger, I regret not having spoken up because it was too late when I did and my abuser is still working in a school.
16th-Apr-2009 05:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for your advice.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.
16th-Apr-2009 05:37 pm (UTC)
I can imagine this is a very painful situation for you.

I think you've gotten some really sound advice here. The best thing you can do is support him. Accept him and how he feels, right here and right now. He will have to come to terms with this in his own time, in his own way.

Allowing him to do that shows him that you care.

I have close friends who, like me, have been through abuse and we deal with it very differently. Reinforcing the fact that I care for them and being there for them has really strengthened these relationships. I think it also helps that I try to be completely non-judgemental and even neutral, as much as I can. The abuser is still a very present force in your boyfriend's life. Not everyone has the strength or even, the desire, to get the abuser out of their lives.

That's been the hardest thing for me in helping my friends. I can't fight their battles for them, but I make sure they know I'm there.
16th-Apr-2009 08:59 pm (UTC)
thanks so much for your advice. I'm really gonna talk to him about it and hopefully I'll get him to talk out his feelings
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