libberding (libberding) wrote in _survivors_,

My brother sent me an animated cartoon text message today, and it really set me off.
It was of a cartoon Chris Brown beating a cartoon Rhianna.  Slapping her across the face so hard that she spins around and falls to the ground.
The text within it read "You've just been bitch slapped by Chris Brown!  No slap backs!"

I replied to him with "That's offensive."

His reply?  "yeah, but a little bit funny"

I raged:  "No.  Not at all, actually."

His comeback?  "Ok its a joke laugh a little its just a cartoon it wouldn't be quite as funny if she pressed charges but she chose to go back to him so she must not be too bright"

Instead of telling him exactly why it's offensive to not just humanity in general, but his own flesh and blood sister, instead of telling him how I was thrown around, how I was threatened and beaten and how I couldn't leave, I just said, "We're gonna stop talking about this now."

If he only knew.  If he knew how much it hurt... 

I mostly just have to rant about this.  I'm so upset, and there's nowhere for this to go.  I can't bring myself to tell anyone in my family that I was in an abusive relationship, that I was assaulted and raped, that I left because I finally couldn't take it anymore and realized that he was too lazy to come after me after he raped me (though I still and will always look over my shoulder). 

My current boyfriend is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle man ever, and I am so lucky to be with him.  He's calmed me down a lot today, but I'm still reeling.  How on earth can the brother, that was raised exactly the same way I was, even think that saying something like that is ok?  It makes me wonder if this sort of the thing that has lead him to have two failed marriages.  And now I worry about his new girlfriend, praying that there is nothing of this sentiment in their relationship, hoping that he is not actually like this, as my boyfriend tells me:  "his offensive forward is not intentionally offensive, just ignorant. as his sister you know that in all probability he does not mean what he says and that it appears funny to him because it seems ridiculous and implausible, because it's something he would probably never do himself..."

I just needed somewhere to get into this, as posting on my personal LJ apparently makes people uncomfortable and they're tired of talking about it three years later and they never really get it. 

I hope everyone is well.  <3
Tags: abuse in the news, invalidation
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