I'm Just Me (dreamalwz) wrote in _survivors_,
I'm Just Me

My brain tends to go many places at once.

It seems to happen every time I look at facebook, see my neighbor girls grow up (they're 4-7 years younger than me), see anyone in lower grades at my elementary/middle school now in college or highschool, etc. I feel so....stuck. I don't know WHAT the feeling is that I feel, but I think it may be a combination of sadness, anger, and (can't think of the other word at the moment). I see all these girls (specifically) grow up into beautiful young women having fun, getting on with their lives. I see the young boys now as grown men figuring out their lives. Where am I? Where do I fit in?

You see, I have gender identity issues so that's one reason I freak out about this. I don't feel like I'm a girl like these young ladies, but I'm also not a rugged man like these guys. I'm a nothing. I get SO incredible confused. I know I shouldn't have a label or worry, but I never feel right in my skin and I can't even describe how horrible it makes me feel.

I also see them growing up and where am I? I'm still 12 and 13 it seems. I had to grow up very quickly mentally during childhood due to many circumstances. I felt like an adult at that age. I haven't grown up since it seems like. Even now I seem "too mature" in some circumstances, but a young teenager in others, especially emotional stuff.

I dunno, it just bothers me and I guess I wanted somewhere to vent.
Tags: abuse: child, gender expression/identity, processing
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